Today’s Walk: The Forest and I are Angry

Posted on May 29, 2011 by Francesca De Grandis

Today’s Walk: The Forest and I are Angry
May 29, 2011

I have a new friend, a wild rabbit. Met Peace yesterday, and today Peace was waiting for me in the same place. This time, I was able to get closer. (A few years ago, I fed a wild rabbit from my hands. It only took a week or two for the rabbit to trust me enough to do that. City girl that I am, I was quite impressed with myself – – lo, wild woman of nature. Grin.)

 Peace gave me a lesson in stillness today, including transmitting the power of stillness to me.

(As I type this, I think of the ancient Faerie Faith, imagine a maiden gathering mushrooms in the woods, a Fey being granting her power.)

A few minutes later, I saw a white cat on the side of the road. It was motionless, and flat along the ground, so I became worried. Oh my god, is it dead? But when I got close, it got up and leapt away like a deer. Another lesson  in stillness.

 I walked on. The forest here is angry. Like me. My anger doesn’t devastate my internal landscape like it used to. But anger has crept back, crept up on me recently; I realized yesterday that I was carrying a lot of anger that I was unaware of, and it was messing with me. So I started working on that.

Not that I consider anger bad. It depends. It’s not bad per se, but it’s not always good. It can be self-destructive, tighten my innards til my body’s crippled.

So the forest and I were angry together, as a mutual healing.

Then I found a small feather. It looks like pigeon, morning dove, raven, or blackbird. But it could be none of those. It is small and beautiful. At first I discounted it, because it was not large and bold – not overtly shamanic. But I always tell my students never to discount a small mystical feeling or event, because it may be the opening to a larger one. Besides, larger is not always better or more powerful. I took the feather home.

I love my life. And give a prayer of gratitude to the committee of gods that runs my life, is connectivity, is creativity, is a source of secrets that surround us. Sshh.

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Magic Bananas (Dark Chocolate Mojo)

Posted on May 26, 2011 by Francesca De Grandis

Magic Bananas is a stupid name for a recipe. That makes me happy.

I made this dessert up in celebration of shipping my manuscript off to the layout artist. This is serious dark chocolate, unmitigated by sugar, honey, or the like. I enjoy chocolate this way (which is fortunate, given my inability to eat sugar, etc. without ending up at the hospital); it is dark mojo.

Later: Oh my god, this came out well. A friend stopped by; she and I had to keep eating one piece after another. It tasted like the sugarless Faerie had taken over Willy Wonker’s factory. (Supposedly, I shouldn’t say that about something I invented. But it was so good. I thought maybe I was imagining it, but my friend doesn’t like dark chocolate, hadn’t wanted a taste, and then kept eating it, then asked for the recipe. Let’s pretend I got the recipe from a book. Fact is, last night, I really wanted a grimoire like in the movies: massive, leather-bound, metal lock and ornaments; when I open it, spirit winds whip its pages, the ornate text suddenly glows, and illustrations leap from the page. Since I have never seen one of those, I created one in my mind, deciding that when I open it, I will find the exact ritual I need. I tried it out; it worked! Maybe I subconsciously got the recipe from my mental grimoire. Hmm, which still means I made it up. Oh, oh, I got it: Ultimately, all things come from the Divine­—scientific, culinary, poetic, etc—so ultimately I did not make this up; the Divine did. That means I get to proclaim how good it is! God is good! BTW, I do enjoy a good verbal ramble. Did you notice the couple of lessons I stuck in there? Ssshhh, it’s a secret.)

* Melt 1 oz. baking chocolate with 1 T sweet butter.

* Add 2 ounces goat milk. If it is straight from the fridge, it may cause the chocolate/butter mixture to cool and therefore clump up. If so, reheat and stir till it’s smooth again.

* Put 1/2 ounce frozen orange juice concentrate and 1/2 ounce frozen white grape juice concentrate into a small saucepan. Heat until at least room temperature. Mix it into the chocolate blend.

* Butter the bottom of two pie tins.

* Slice 2 bananas crosswise (into rounds). Place the banana rounds on the pie tins, with as much space as possible between each slice.

* Put some chocolate blend onto each banana. The mixture was very liquid, so the chocolate flowed down over the bottom of the pan. I don’t care: I’ll just scrape it up to eat with the banana slices. I never complain about chocolate all over a plate. Later: When u eat a banana piece, eat it with some of the chocolate that dripped down onto the pie tin; I am not sure it will be as lusciously yummy otherwise.

* You’ll still have a lot of chocolate left. Lick the bowl. Or use a third banana instead of a spatula to wipe the bowl clean. (Do I need to add that you should eat the chocolate-laden parts of the banana between swipes?) My chocolate banana spatula tasted nowhere near as good as the final dish. Still, I enjoyed it. Licking a bowl or spatula always has its charm.

* Put the pie tins into the freezer. Eat when frozen.

Let me know how it comes out for you.

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Rewriting Hell. Writers are Crazy People: Part 2

Posted on May 23, 2011 by Francesca De Grandis

“A picture is worth 1000 words.” But in this case, you may need another picture, as well as a few words that are not this page. This page is a follow up to — and may not make sense unless you first see — part one.

The tall stack is all notes I went through for my final rewrite on the manuscript. Note the word “final.” Been rewriting for years. Writers are crazy people. But don’t worry. It’s not catching (I am fibbing). Two days left (I wrote this blog Sunday, but posted it Monday = now there is one day left) to finish the rewrite, so I put some flowers and pretties there to motivate me. 

I put a measuring tape by the stack because it made me feel good to see how tall it is. This is the sort of thing that madness drives you to; writing is hard! This is not the only huge stack related to rewrites on the manuscript. As I said, this has been going on for years.

When a book of mine is finally published, I throw out all its stacks. This time, it will be quite a celebration, after all the roadblocks to this project.

The project spread around the house, but here’s a picture of the actual manuscript.  (I have no idea why I have to show it to you. It is some primitive need to share my process, not only with this picture, but also by talking about what’s going on lately while I’m alone, working.) It is on an old chaise lounge in my office — ladeedah, some crips need a chaise lounge in their office. (Joking aside, some of us crips do!)

It was supposed to be a month for the final rewrite, but I had to get an extension, so it’s been closer to two months.

Bit by bit—unless there’s an act of God—the book will be out in September. In two days I send the manuscript to the layout artist. Then I can catch up with my other work, as well as move onto the other steps of publishing, like talking with the book’s cover designer. 

I wish someone reading this lived close to me, so you could come over to celebrate in three days. If you are nearby, give me a call!

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Content, Not Form

Posted on May 18, 2011 by Francesca De Grandis

Here’s what I wrote earlier today: Did vanity search. LOL! People repeat the same erroneous info about me and are upset I don’t say, “I’m deeper than anyone else, and I know secrets no one else knows. I can teach you to be pompous just like me.” LOL. They couldn’t spot a mystery or the Goddess if she was doing a rhumba in front of them. God, I’m laughing! Bitter people! I feel for them but can’t stop laughing. Thank God I’m such a fool, or their attacks would make me bitter, too! I’d “catch” their bitterness.

A bit later I wrote: On a sober note, I’m sad – actually sad in my heart – that some people think disdain makes them look spiritually superior and virtuous. Hate is not a virtue, and their attacks make me feel lonely. There’s so much to celebrate and laugh about in life; I wish they’d just come laugh with me! We could laugh at our faults together! I am a lonely fool, needing all the fellow fools possible!

Later still: After my laughter, I ended up feeling hurt by the same things I’d been able to rise above with laughter earlier in the evening.  And I got fearful their condemnation of my writing was correct, which got me confused about how to do the final edits on the book that I need to have finished in a few days. I’m past that emotional upset and insecurity now. I hope I stay past it.

These critics measure Shamanism (mysticism, spirituality, etc.)  by form, not content. They were just parroting each other, and they don’t know that 100s of readers have thanked me for helping them completely change – even save – their lives. I wish people understood that public figures are human; mean words hurt us. For one thing, for a while I was really starting to think my writing is terrible and lost confidence in the book I’ve been working on since 2003.

I thank the Divine, for helping me cleave to You and my friends, and for making me remember that the fruits of someone’s work show it’s worth. (How worthwhile can their criticisms be, if all it provides is nastiness and misinformation?) Please help me finish the last of the rewrites without those terrible, mean people’s remarks inside my head, muddying my mind and making me incapable of doing the final rewrites well. Help me do final rewrites that serve You and whoever reads the book. Thank you!

Finally, I wrote this, to expand on an earlier point: People who explore mysticism, integrative vision, shamanism, Wicca, the Faerie Faith, an ecstatic path, etc., usually seek depth. Unfortunately, (it really is sad) they sometimes wrongly think they have found the right teacher, mistaking the teacher’s anger, arrogance, or power-tripping for depth. Do not let these errant seekers make you must mistrust yourself or your choices. And I won’t let them make me doubt myself either, okay? Some of the most powerful mystics, shamans, and the likes are people whose power is so subtle, runs so deep, and is so confident that they just seem like “fluffy bunnies.” In the right circumstances, they say very impressive things. But most of the time, they don’t, because they know that it cheapens sacred experiences if you discuss them just to have something to fill the silence. And they know that  to, instead, hint at wondrous secrets is just as wrong; a secret you brag about isn’t much of a secret; a mystery you brag about dissipates. And they don’t endlessly expound on the meanings of mystic images and other esoterica. Buddha would not even discuss cosmology or theory with a student; he felt that it did not leave sufficient time for actual practice of the path. Most of the time, it’s not one’s words that show one’s depth. It is one’s energy, one’s bearing, etc. I trust bunnies, I trust laughing fools. I pray to the Divine, help me love people who do really stupid hurtful things because they think such actions are spiritual. We’re all on this path together, learning, and growing. Thank you.

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Pagan Mystic Springtime

Posted on May 9, 2011 by Francesca De Grandis

If you need to see the pics better, click on one. The whole blog will appear in a new window; if that window is fully opened, the blog will look larger.

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Upcycling Queen Award

Posted on May 1, 2011 by Francesca De Grandis

I’m an Upcycling Queen! I invite you mega-upcyclers to boast here about your prowess. (Why should guys be the only ones who brag about their abilities to . . . oh, oops, I’m not talking about recycling anymore. Sorry . . . )  

To win the Upcycling Queen Award:
* Post an upcycling tip in the “Leave a Reply” box at the end of this page.
* Your tip must be original – – not something you heard/read elsewhere, but an idea of your own. Not to worry: I won’t check up on you. After all, if someone else thought it up, too—great minds think alike.  
* Use as few or as many words as it takes to express your idea.
* No tip is too small to help avoid more landfill garbage!
* Awards end May 15, 2011.

Sharing your tip here helps protect Mama Gaia. Every entry wins bragging rights! A tip earns you the privilege of putting the following banner on your site, letting everyone know you’re an Upcycling Queen. Guys are welcome to post tips, as honorary queens! (If you’re into drag, you might be the best queen.)

After you post, I send you the code to have this banner on your blog or anywhere else on your site.

But wait, there’s more! If you post a tip, you could win a deer antler pendant. It has a Tree of Life rune carved in it. I commissioned it from the artisan Lupa. Winner is chosen by random draw.

To get your creativity flowing, here are two ideas of mine:

1) The saucers under potted plants—that catch the water running out the bottom of the pot—cost too much and always break. My homemade substitutes were ugly. E.g., a leftover yogurt container has commercial print all over it. Old dishes under my pots always clash. Then I cut off the bottom of a huge plastic bottle that white vinegar comes in (I buy it to clean house) = a lovely, simple printless saucer. Fancy, lah!

2) Mushrooms and other produce often come in rectangular plastic containers (without holes). They’re great for flower arrangements made in Oasis: After you soak and cut up your Oasis, put it in that container. Then put the container in a basket and start adding flowers to the Oasis.

Ok, what’s your tip? (Admit it: We queens love to gather to show off!) Add your email addy so I can send you the award. After you give your tip, win a second award: I’m doing this contest with sister royalty, the Leftover Queen; check out her contest to be recognized as a Queen again.

An Upcycling Queen needs no jewels. Stars in the sky adorn her crown, to bless her care of Mama Gaia and her finding beauty in what already is.

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Actions and Bric-a-Brac

Posted on April 22, 2011 by Francesca De Grandis

There’s very little that needs to be done. But I accumulate actions the way some people accumulate worthless bric-a-brac, deluding themselves that there is wealth or other merit in it. In fact, I accumulate action the way some people accumulate wealth, which in many ways is also worthless. The bric-a-brac, the wealth, and my unnecessary actions are clutter. 

I’m not suggesting that people do nothing. And I believe in abundance. But clutter is another matter entirely. I clutter my life with activity.

There’s very little that needs to be done. Don’t think I say that because I’m lazy. Or that I’m trying to shirk responsibility or get away with doing shabby or minimal work. If you knew me, you’d know I’m a perfectionist, a workaholic, and that I have a really high standard for my self. But in another sense, I want to do only what needs to be done (as an example) on my new iPod Touch, instead of spending one-million hours learning one-million cluttering activities on it.

 If I limit activity, I can more fully use what I’ve accomplished: serve others with it better, market it better, sell it better, file it better, celebrate it better, and . . . there’s something else I will be able to do with it, but I don’t know what. It’s on the tip of my consciousness, the way words are sometimes on the tip of your tongue. It’s important whatever it is.

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First Drafts

Posted on April 12, 2011 by Francesca De Grandis

Are either of these pieces any good? I would love opinions. Thanks!

If I were hanging by a thread – – which is the image that is coming to mind right now. No not to mind as an intellectual construct, but as grasping at an image that I suddenly understand the motivation for the creation of, hanging by a spider-woven thread, grasping at that fiber, which I’m expecting to break any moment, and when it does the fall will be awful not because of any great distance, but because it is the final part of a descent into an irrevocable hell. Hell as irrevocable and eternal as any that a preacher frightened a child with, a syrupy terror that stickily wraps around my ankles, and tugs . . . downward stretching . . . the thread . . . 

Other piece:

We watch the eagles, together online. We watch the eagles, the world of us together watch the eagles. But the whole world watches the same Hollywood movies, inspiring movies that supposedly uplift us, inspiring us to better things. We listen to the same music, and it sweeps over us causing our spirits to soar. But what do we do the next day? The hate that is pulling us down as a species into hell on earth seems unchanged. God, why do you not give my species the change of heart that you long for in us? I know you must hunger for me as much as I hunger for you. Otherwise there is no way you could have created this longing in me – – if it were not also in yourself, God. I understand that I cannot understand your ways, so you must have something amazing planned if you would let us watch the eagles and remain unchanged. I will not wish that you were a “better god,” but it is difficult to keep going, choking on pain because there is too much of it, both in myself and in the people I love – – pain we humans inflict on each other in our hatred – – so that instead of knowing the pain fully, I gasp, I steele myself moment after moment all day, day after day, week after week, steel myself, choking.  

Can you tell I wrote these in the middle of the night? Or rather very early morning, April 12, 2011

It seems that when I’m in the middle of an intense writing deadline, my idea of a break from writing is to do more writing on something other than the deadlined project. 🙂

 I usually don’t share my negative writing, because I believe it’s important to be positive. But I felt that these pieces might help someone, because it might be important for someone to know they are not alone, in this time when so many people feel like they’re hanging by a thread. However I’m not sure either piece is at all clear, or otherwise any good. They’re so unlike what i usually show anyone. For one thing, I’m concerned that maybe the pieces are just bad teenage goth run-on-sentence lyric. Mind you, I think one of their strengths is their run on sentence cadence. But I don’t know. PS. These are first drafts.

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Domesticity

Posted on April 7, 2011 by Francesca De Grandis

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Rewriting Hell. Writers are Crazy People.

Posted on March 29, 2011 by Francesca De Grandis

I had to take a pic of this. I started the long dreaded, umpteenth million—but final—rewrite of the book. In a month, it has to go to layout. One month. Tick, tick, tick . . . 

Goddess, revising a manuscript has eaten up weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks and . . . tick, tick . . .

I’ve been writing this book over and over since 2002 or 2003.

It’s said that writers are people for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people. Writers are crazy people.

I hate editors. I wrote that last sentence to make Ade nervous. But I shouldn’t have. She worked in my office long enough to know all my secrets. Her revenge could be swift and brutal.

I twittered her anyway. It said, “She whined, ‘Ade, can I hate u, just a little tiny bit? Please? I’m not complaining about your editing. Writing is just hard.’ ”

Rewriting hell: revision based on 14 people’s input. Enough! All those stacks on the table? They are for one book. Notes and notes and notes for revisions. I worked on it enough today. Now must go hide from life.

The above lines include copy ‘n’ pastes of my tweets—revised, because I am in revision hell—with additional mental meanderings.

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