First Drafts

Are either of these pieces any good? I would love opinions. Thanks!

If I were hanging by a thread – – which is the image that is coming to mind right now. No not to mind as an intellectual construct, but as grasping at an image that I suddenly understand the motivation for the creation of, hanging by a spider-woven thread, grasping at that fiber, which I’m expecting to break any moment, and when it does the fall will be awful not because of any great distance, but because it is the final part of a descent into an irrevocable hell. Hell as irrevocable and eternal as any that a preacher frightened a child with, a syrupy terror that stickily wraps around my ankles, and tugs . . . downward stretching . . . the thread . . . 

Other piece:

We watch the eagles, together online. We watch the eagles, the world of us together watch the eagles. But the whole world watches the same Hollywood movies, inspiring movies that supposedly uplift us, inspiring us to better things. We listen to the same music, and it sweeps over us causing our spirits to soar. But what do we do the next day? The hate that is pulling us down as a species into hell on earth seems unchanged. God, why do you not give my species the change of heart that you long for in us? I know you must hunger for me as much as I hunger for you. Otherwise there is no way you could have created this longing in me – – if it were not also in yourself, God. I understand that I cannot understand your ways, so you must have something amazing planned if you would let us watch the eagles and remain unchanged. I will not wish that you were a “better god,” but it is difficult to keep going, choking on pain because there is too much of it, both in myself and in the people I love – – pain we humans inflict on each other in our hatred – – so that instead of knowing the pain fully, I gasp, I steele myself moment after moment all day, day after day, week after week, steel myself, choking.  

Can you tell I wrote these in the middle of the night? Or rather very early morning, April 12, 2011

It seems that when I’m in the middle of an intense writing deadline, my idea of a break from writing is to do more writing on something other than the deadlined project. 🙂

 I usually don’t share my negative writing, because I believe it’s important to be positive. But I felt that these pieces might help someone, because it might be important for someone to know they are not alone, in this time when so many people feel like they’re hanging by a thread. However I’m not sure either piece is at all clear, or otherwise any good. They’re so unlike what i usually show anyone. For one thing, I’m concerned that maybe the pieces are just bad teenage goth run-on-sentence lyric. Mind you, I think one of their strengths is their run on sentence cadence. But I don’t know. PS. These are first drafts.

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9 Responses to First Drafts

  1. Robyn says:

    Dear Francesca,

    I really like both pieces!

    The second sentence of the first one is quite long and hard to “swallow” therefore. I’d maybe leave out the “no” right at the beginning – “Not to mind as…” says the same and saves the brain some trouble ;o)
    It’s very powerful, though so different from the second!

    The second I like even more, I know this emotion so well. It gave me the feeling of letting out a breath I wasn’t aware of having held so long. Relief!
    I agree it’s so important to stress the things we feel are positive, so we can feel the gratitude that is such a potent engine for contentment and calm and wise actions.
    But that is not to say we should not phrase other powerful feelings as well. After all, who says they are negative? If they are expressed in an empathic manner – as you always do – what is negative about them?
    We all are part of this people you describe – we are all motivated by the best motives that we sometimes lend from film and music, only to be soaked back into a society and system that make it hard at times to live according to them. So if you express this feeling, it’s a powerful wake-up call to all those of us who need it – and we DO need it!

    Love, Robyn

    • francesca says:

      Thank u so much!!!!! You gave me very much needed support!

    • francesca says:

      Felt strongly motivated to reread yr commet, and then to respond some more! You articulated your ideas so well, and so lovingly! THank you again! And thank u for saying u needed the post!!!! ALso, in my book that will be released this fall, I talk about how to follow through on feelings you get at an uplifting concert, how to not stop at those feelings. So those ideas might be useful to you. Oh, I will be so glad when the book is in print. I started it 2002-2003! But soon it will be in print!

  2. Maria says:

    I really felt the second piece. Been there. The first not so much but that is not to say I thought it was bad… I feel that this is important because when we only show the Light, it strengthens the dark… not to demonize the dark but you know what I mean, right? It is important to give voice to these feelings because they are normal “human” emotions, ones that we all feel at some point in our lives. Speaking the words allows them to come into the Light of Spirit to be held in the loving lap of our Great Mother and healed. Bright Blessings Sister.
    Maria

    • francesca says:

      Thank you! I wasn’t sure the pieces even made sense, so your input is valuable. Also, I appreciate your not judging me. I feel like it’s so important to voice the whole self. But I don’t usually voice the pain part of me as publicly as this, but I felt really driven to, as if the Divine wanted me to do it, not only for myself but also for others. So your input’s really valuable.

  3. Sandra says:

    ~*Potent stuff! I relate to both pieces, but your prayer to God in the second had me flat out, crying and praying with you.

    Oh, Francesca; I love you.

    ~*Sandra

    • Mylynn Taylor says:

      Francesca, I do identify with these, as I try to be positive but alot of the time struggle with depression and the self hatred and sometimes a very negative form of self expression where I will not go into here. If you would like to check out a couple of my entries on vampirefreaks.com with my screen name as sexysuicidal there in my journal entries you will see that I do identify with these writings, and would actually appreciate some feedback on mine thanks, Mylynn

      • francesca says:

        Mylynn, Thank you so much for your comments here. I really really appreciate them!!! It is kind of you to comment on a complete stranger’s work!

        I went 2 yr URL. I read December 09, 2010: I hear it, I hear it, I hear it! And I’m sorry that you have such pain. I am glad that you pray because, at least for me, prayer gives solutions. It may not right away, and may not b the way I think things should be solved, but solutions do come.

        I also read July 20, 2010:
        I was touched by this, touched by your tender feelings. You have such self-awareness. I know you can overcome your adversities, I know it! I’m sorry I could only read the two of them and not more. I’m disabled so my time online is really limited. I hope my comments help a bit.

    • francesca says:

      oh, Sandra, thank you darling! I’m hugging you right now. And thank you for not judging me. I say more about not judging in my response to Maria’s post below. (For some reason I saw her post before I saw yours.) oh, my dear Sandra, crying together, yes, a good cry shared is a good cleansing, eh?

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