Are either of these pieces any good? I would love opinions. Thanks!
If I were hanging by a thread – – which is the image that is coming to mind right now. No not to mind as an intellectual construct, but as grasping at an image that I suddenly understand the motivation for the creation of, hanging by a spider-woven thread, grasping at that fiber, which I’m expecting to break any moment, and when it does the fall will be awful not because of any great distance, but because it is the final part of a descent into an irrevocable hell. Hell as irrevocable and eternal as any that a preacher frightened a child with, a syrupy terror that stickily wraps around my ankles, and tugs . . . downward stretching . . . the thread . . .
We watch the eagles, together online. We watch the eagles, the world of us together watch the eagles. But the whole world watches the same Hollywood movies, inspiring movies that supposedly uplift us, inspiring us to better things. We listen to the same music, and it sweeps over us causing our spirits to soar. But what do we do the next day? The hate that is pulling us down as a species into hell on earth seems unchanged. God, why do you not give my species the change of heart that you long for in us? I know you must hunger for me as much as I hunger for you. Otherwise there is no way you could have created this longing in me – – if it were not also in yourself, God. I understand that I cannot understand your ways, so you must have something amazing planned if you would let us watch the eagles and remain unchanged. I will not wish that you were a “better god,” but it is difficult to keep going, choking on pain because there is too much of it, both in myself and in the people I love – – pain we humans inflict on each other in our hatred – – so that instead of knowing the pain fully, I gasp, I steele myself moment after moment all day, day after day, week after week, steel myself, choking.
Can you tell I wrote these in the middle of the night? Or rather very early morning, April 12, 2011
It seems that when I’m in the middle of an intense writing deadline, my idea of a break from writing is to do more writing on something other than the deadlined project. 🙂
I usually don’t share my negative writing, because I believe it’s important to be positive. But I felt that these pieces might help someone, because it might be important for someone to know they are not alone, in this time when so many people feel like they’re hanging by a thread. However I’m not sure either piece is at all clear, or otherwise any good. They’re so unlike what i usually show anyone. For one thing, I’m concerned that maybe the pieces are just bad teenage goth run-on-sentence lyric. Mind you, I think one of their strengths is their run on sentence cadence. But I don’t know. PS. These are first drafts.