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“Francesca emannates healing energy. She can’t even help it, it’s her. There’s an awesomely deep love within her that heals people.” William Michaels“My life just seems to go better when I’m taking one of your classes! <3” Shauna Farabaugh“My experience studying with you has been life-changing. I don’t have words adequate to thank you. ... One of the most deeply meaningful experiences of my life.” Melissa“She helped me through the loss of my first child and continued to help me find peace and joy in my life outside of the dream of being a mother. ... I continued to work with Francesca [which] finally led me to be able to conceive again and give birth to a healthy beautiful daughter.“ Jenn Campus“If you’ve not yet taken one of Francesca’s classes or read one of her books, do it. Do it now. Make it a priority. Even if you think you know everything, and maybe especially then. #wow #mindblown” Matt“I am truly blown away at how much I was able to resolve and heal. For me, working with Francesca is like having years and years of mucky, creative blocks just gently dissolved over a matter of weeks. ... All of my encounters with Francesca lead to expansive growth and progress. Francesca is a remarkable gift to this world.” Chad Woodward“The transmission was so good it was seriously ridiculous! Within a few days, I got a job, a new truck for the exact amount I’d wanted to pay, and sold our old truck without even trying.” Julia“The essence and heart of magic is what we’re doing whenever you are teaching.“ Rebecca Brown“It has been an amazing course. ... I will be returning to all the lessons again and again I’m certain. ... Thanks for your willingness to share things which are clearly so close to your heart.” David Moseley
“I so want the good and increasingly oppressed hearts among us to take just a step—just one—onto the path you offer and into the presence of the way you hold yourself, Francesca. That path and your essence will enfold them with not just the promise of peace but the living presence of it, deep as the inner earth, vast as the starry heavens.”—Rebecca“Huge positive repercussions. During the transmission, everything changed, nothing was the same. A lot of it can’t be verbalized. ... There are loops we get into, and your material breaks the loops. I pick up energy from you, and it gets me back into my practices. You are on a path and are moving energy and making things happen on a multileveled reality that is creative. I need help with that sometimes. You give it.”—Holly Soutar“A subtle but profound experience. ... It really helped me to re-find my spiritual center, slow down and enjoy learning to focus on things as they come into my life. The slow down was exactly what my spirit needed to process a year that had been filled with an incredible amount of chaos.”—Kestril“I suffer from seasonal affective disorder, and Jan is the worst month for me. Francesca‘s spiritual transmissions, this past Jan, really helped me to feel more energetic and enthusiastic and to be much more productive.”—Barbara“Whenever we speak I come away with a serenity and spiritual peace, regardless of what we talk about.”—Thomas Byrnes“Francesca healed my warts. What more can I say? ?”—Meaux“I have always found it difficult to get into a trance state of healing, but you have (many times) helped me via telephone, which I would not have believed possible. You are a truly magical healer; your warm, calming voice and your wisdom have helped me thru some very difficult times.”—Thomas Byrnes“I got sober. I lost 130 lbs. I am a different person. When I look back at what helped me more than anything else, it was Francesca’s Third Road training. It’s changed my life in so many beautiful ways. Thank you, Francesca, for everything!”—Stephanie McGrath“Our work together was really helpful to me, thanks for all the hard work you must have done to earn that level of skill and blessedness.”—Greg“It has been awhile since our session, and I still appreciate the work we did, because it jump started an art career. ... During our hour session, I never thought the outcome would be like this. It’s so hard to describe what you do, it is unusual, the weirdest psychic reading I’ve ever had. You are awesome.”—Meghan“Your classes sneak up on me. My husband will ask, “How did class go today?” and I’ll answer, “Oh, it was ok,” but then later I see the lesson moved a mountain. The work is so gentle I think it won’t take me anywhere, then it takes me all the way.”—Maggie Frances P.“Now I have an artist’s website that is mine, and I’ve started to make jewelry. I’m doing all kinds of creative work and it joyously surprises the heck out of me. Thank you, thank you Francesca!”—Meghan“I’ve gone to many different “spiritual advisors” and gotten lots of junk. Everything I got from you was pure quality and I truly appreciate it.”—Cathy
“Hey, Francesca! The transmission I received from you a couple of years ago helped heal a gallbladder issue I’d had for years! I was told I’d need surgery, and was in pain, but not anymore! Love you.”—Sandra“I think many people come to study with you, not because of any particular label or denomination, but because of you. I wanted to study with you because of who you are: compassionate, powerful, silly, creative, talented, and empowering. I really never cared much about what lineage your tradition came from. My work with you helped me through a pivotal time in my life and gave me personal and spiritual tools to live a good life.”—Kathleen Marshall“The transmission you did for me ... benefited me more than I expected! I am genuinely in a much more secure better-feeling place than I was in a matter of a couple of months. I went from high anxiety to a deep abiding feeling of peace, but without really understanding what happened LOL – It was like it was magic. ?” —Adam Busch“The transmission was… well… magick! I felt a boost in my emotions as well as my sense of prosperity! I experienced physical and emotional releases. My awareness moved further back and I could see a bigger picture.”—Eric DunnLoving, powerful, and most importantly, a SAFE spiritual teacher ... always turning me back to myself, to my own deep knowing.—SheaIt was an eye opener, I’ve grown in ways I didn’t know were possible and I was so grateful to be able to work with her!—Catherine MillsNewsletter
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The World Tree Holds Me Safe—Yearwheel Rituals for Dark Months
The World Tree Holds Me Safe—Yearwheel Rituals for Dark Months
Am I a Nomad Shaman?
The Tree of Life, also known as the World Tree, symbolizes the entire cosmos as one organic whole. This is not just a belief for me but an experience I have on the mystical and mundane planes.
The World Tree holds me in safety and love. This too is more than a belief. It is my experience.
This post consists of five separate but related pieces. They are kind of journal entries, kind of personal essays. Not all my musings herein are about the dark time of the year and its Pagan holidays. This time of year, many of us go deep within to contemplate our entire lives. And I hoped some of the thoughts and experiences I had that were important to me might be useful to you.
… Hah, no sooner had I finished writing the above paragraph than I realized that everything in this post is relevant to the autumn and winter. E.g., when I wrote about my ancestors, I was pursuing a traditional Pagan winter activity. In many Witch traditions, more time is spent with ancestors during the winter months.
The entries began early in November 2022 and ended right before the Winter Solstice in December 2022. I edited a bit for continuity.
1) My Home Is Within Me
& Within Loving Care From Fairy Gods
I’ve been growing paperwhites. The above photo shows some of their roots starting to grow in water.
Growing paperwhites during the dark months of the year has become one of my annual yearwheel rituals. I discuss what the rite means to me in this blog: The Year’s Dark Months Are a Magic Cauldron.
The paperwhites ritual unfolds new meanings for me every year. Here’s how one came about this year:
Moving twice last year, and knowing I may move again soon, taught me once again that I need a home other than a physical place. My true home has to be within myself and within care from my Gods. My sense of a home, including the safety, serenity, and hygge thereof, cannot depend on circumstances. (Hygge describes a home that feels cozy and helps people within it feel content, vital, and whole).
This is giving me freedom from worry. It’s also providing hope and the sense that going on adventures is possible even at my late age. In other words, I know that I cannot root in a false sense of safety but that I carry safety with me, so I can go wherever I want, to do what I want.
Paperwhites are generally considered an annual. My paperwhite bulbs are growing inside, their roots going down into water in a vase. This brings me to the new meaning these flowers gave me this year. Nurturing them to live their brief glorious lives, as their roots settle into the water in my probably temporary housing, affirms that my roots can grow into the moment and place I currently reside.
Feeling rooted has always been important to me. Now I root in a new way.
In recent months, I’ve thought that I might be becoming a nomad. If so, it’s more important than ever that my roots be deep within Gaia as a whole, instead of confined to a single location.
2) Do I Have Nomad Ancestors?
The more I dwell on the idea that I might be becoming a nomad, the more I suspect I have always been one but didn’t give my nomadic spirit license.
I spent so many years focused on finding a home to settle down in and never did, for one reason or another.
I finally bought my “forever home.” I describe the tragedy that drove me out of that house—which I’d worked decades to have—in a blog on my other site: Italian Ancestors, Prejudice, Life’s Cycles, & Useful Magic.
Regardless of that trauma and the suffering it caused me, there’s always a reason things happen. I had to come to believe in this synchronicity. Otherwise, my pain, rage, and grief would have destroyed me.
Accepting life as is does not mean I don’t stand up for my rights or that I suppress my emotions. But everything it took to come to acceptance is too large a topic for this post. I achieve acceptance through a series of Shamanic disciplines that I teach to my students. I teach it over time because it is part of the larger whole of Shamanism. If you’re interested, enroll in any of my classes. They’re all relevant. Quite relevant, even if I do not mention acceptance when I describe the class.
I’ve finally come to see that perhaps I’m not meant to settle down.
Perhaps it’s in my blood. Good chance my father was Middle Eastern. … Middle Eastern culture drew me long before I knew about my dad. … Oh, one of the first Shamanic stories I ever channeled to put on paper (as opposed to those I channeled during an oral lesson and never repeated) was set in a Middle Eastern desert. … Oh, and it was a story of a man traveling, searching for God. A wandering pilgrim.
Are my ancestors calling me? Guiding me?
3) A Wee Plant Can Be The Tree of Life
I was thrilled last summer when I opened an avocado and saw its seed had grown roots.
I nurtured that root system tenderly, and now the baby tree is doing very well. Here’s a photo that shows the seed after I had it in water for a while so its roots could grow more before I planted the seed in soil.
I’m thinking about moving to Italy.
Important sidebar: if you are a student of mine, or want to be one, you are a top priority in my life, even if I move to Europe. I will continue to teach long-distance, give spiritual transmissions and psychic readings, and provide my other services. I will remain available if you need to talk by phone—for example about an upcoming class. I commit to my students. I researched to find free and inexpensive technology that will allow a shared Shamanic journey. I feel confident about an in-depth vital experience together no matter where I live. End of sidebar.
The idea of growing this plant from seed for months but not getting to know it as a big tree because I’d have to leave it behind to move to Italy made me very sad. I’m not surprised at my reaction even though it’s “just” a plant. I have had so much loss in my life that it all combines in my belly and heart.
Plus, it is not “just a plant.” This plant is my friend. And if I move to Europe, I must relinquish plant friends who accompanied me for decades through moves across the country and across town and through life’s up and downs. These plant friends have consoled me, nurtured me, and uplifted me.
I try not to run from my grief but to feel it. It’s hard because I’ve lost so much in this lifetime—far bigger losses than plants, life-shattering losses from childhood on.
When I allow myself to feel my grief, renewal follows shortly thereafter. Soon, my eyes open to a positive view. I see the benefits of my losses. Almost always, even the worst losses have constituted equally wonderful gains. These are not groundless theories. The gains of which I speak are quantitative, tangible benefits, as well as inner shifts such as peace and joy.
I decided I needed to write a prayer to help me live the lesson.
Prayer of a Shamanic Pilgrim
and all my Fairy Gods,
open my wild heart to my grief
that my sadness may ring out fully in its tragedy,
and that my passionate heart
may ring out in all its beauty.
Hold me as I grieve for all I’ve lost.
Always remind me that
home is within me,
and in care from You.
Yours is the loving embrace of the World Tree.
Every flower, stone, and moment
is Your love and protection.
The smallest plant is the Tree of Life
taking care of me.
This is the ultimate root magic—
the World Tree’s roots
taking care of me.
remind me that it frees me
to be an explorer,
globetrotter,
adventurer who journeys
wherever the heart road leads.
with your company when I travel.
Thank you!
So mote it be!
Do you think there is an additional lesson for me about temporary roots? Please share it in the comment field below to help me and visitors to this site. Thank you.
4) Ritual Is an Instinct:
A Yule Tree for a Nomad
There’s no room for even a small Yule tree in my current home, which is tiny.
But there’s room for a vase of greenery.
I was walking along, longing for Yule greenery in my home. The longing didn’t seem like I’d bought into holiday hype. I felt a primal, instinctual need for a ritual of greenery at my hearth. Ritual is innate to humans, or at least some of us.
My longing was physical.
So, there I was with this tremendous ritual hunger, and I saw a Christmas tree lot across the street. Hah! My life runs on synchronicity.
I ran over to the lot and asked to buy some greens. They said I could have as much as I wanted for free.
The only place in my tiny apartment where I could squeeze in a vase was the kitchen counter, right by the bottle of olive oil.
I’ll have to move my vase when I need to plug in a kitchen appliance or wash dishes. Maybe that’s just part of my nomadic life right now. Movement. Movement instead of rigidity.
Recent moves, long story short, necessitated getting rid of 5/6s of what I own. It was rough. But it taught me that I do not want the rigidity of what I supposedly must own and what I am “supposed” to be. I want freedom and movement—being what I truly am and owning solely what I truly want. Movement instead of rigidity is freedom.
It can be scary—if not terrifying—to let go of possessions, because of what they represent. And what if I don’t have the money to replace some things? But I refuse to be tied down by fear any more than I will be tied down by possessions. … Being tied down by possessions is being tied down by fear. And fear makes us rigid.
I want movement instead of rigidity.
I decorated the Yule greens with talismans I made a few years ago. Each talisman is a wish I am making, giving my wish to the care of the World Tree. The Yule tree is the Tree of Life.
The photo that kicked off this post shows one of the talismans, and here are two more:
The World Tree is so huge and loving that I can honor it with some small greens in a vase. The greenery becomes my wee yet endlessly huge Tree of Life.
Life’s glories are not always big noticeable items and events. They can be small but subtly huge and glorious. This truth is part of my path as a Faerie Shaman.
Later: This December 19 picture shows the paperwhites in bloom, gloriously celebrating the Solstice season. They rejoice with me. Together we will enjoy the Winter Solstice day that comes soon:
Also later: My above poem (aka prayer) has the phrase the ultimate root magic. The following photo of my paperwhites somehow affirmed to me that the ultimate root magic is in the smallest plants.
5) Shamanism Is a Winding Path
That Brings Us Home
I decided to move to Italy.
The tragedy of losing a home that I’d worked so hard to have eventually taught me that the house and my many possessions were weighing me down.
I will relieve myself of even more possessions before I make the move to Europe. If something feels like a physical burden, I will probably leave it behind.
I feel freer than I have ever felt.
I’ve never wanted to do anything so badly in my entire life as I want to move to Italy. Thank you, my sweet fairy Goddess and all my fairy Gods.
It’s been a circuitous route to making this transition to the other side of the pond. For example, needing to relinquish so many possessions that I worked years to be able to acquire was painful and puzzling. But I’m a spiritual wanderer sometimes. That’s one of the way I learn things and find my destination. I needed to let go of a lot of items because shipping to Italy is expensive. And all my emotional meanderings, some of which were devastating, were my route to realizing I really want to go to Italy.
I suspect all magically inclined humans—even if they live in one place physically—are sometimes spiritual wanders who perambulate tangled roads toward realizations, abundance, and other life goals.
Shamanic Witches like me do not travel a straight path but explore a glorious meandering of highways and byways. The winding road is perhaps one of the truest routes home.
Home might mean someone’s ideal physical home. Or it might mean escape from abuse into the arms of people who help you. Or home might mean a sense of safety in the world. Or a sense of purpose. Or home could be a mystical experience of a home in the cosmos. Home has a million meanings.
I worked hard to find my right place in the world. I found that it is, among other things, my work in the community as a Shaman. I continue to find new ways to come home, such as the move to Italy.
All the work on my personal homecoming equipped me to teach my students how to do the same. I am good at helping you find your home, with all the meanings that home might have.
All my classes, Shamanic counseling, and direct spiritual transmissions help you find your true home, true center. This happens even when the description of an event doesn’t mention it. To stay in the loop about upcoming classes and other events, click the banner below.
Francesca De Grandis, best-selling author of Be a Goddess!, trained from birth in a European Shamanic family tradition of Celtic and Italian Witchcraft. She has lived this lesser known Faerie Shamanism for 72 years. She teaches Faerie magic—Goddess Witch spells—that is practical and improves your whole life. She helps you choose joy, express yourself, and serve community.
Posted in Spirit, The Whole Thing
Tagged classes, DeGrandis, faerie, fairy, Francesca De Grandis, Franchesca, goddess, gods, ritual, shaman, Solstice, spiritual transmissions, talismans, winter, witch, Yearwheel
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Passionate, Quiet Magic and Joy
Passionate, Quiet Magic and Joy
Good Luck Amulets, Cottage Mysteries,
and Human Friends
I’ve been thinking about the pleasantness and fullness of a quiet life.
I talk with fairies, cast spells, teach shamanism classes, and paint pictures that are good luck amulets.
I read science-fiction fantasy and cottage mysteries. I perform spiritual transmissions for Faerie Witches and my other spiritual travelers.
I brew herbs into teas that some people think taste like swamp water but that I find delicious. About every two weeks, I visit one of my human friends face-to-face and often talk with beloved humans on the phone. I go for long walks and do whatever else I want with my time.
I painted an original magical design on the lid of this huge storage box. Now it enchants everything stored in it.
My days are quiet, simple, dynamic, and passionate. Someone might be surprised at how passionate a life like mine can be.
Living simply and mostly between the worlds, I can live in my beloved world anywhere I want. It’s a good life.
What world do you want to live in? You get to choose the life you want.
All my shamanic services support your heart’s desires. Subscribe to my free newsletter to be in the loop. Click the banner below.
Posted in Art, Writing, and Music, Spirit, The Whole Thing
Tagged a good life, amulets, art, classes, DeGrandis, faerie, Francesca De Grandis, Franchesca, good luck, spiritual transmissions, witches
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Wild Magic from Fairy Gods Gave Me Freedom and Wholeness
Wild Magic from Fairy Gods Gave Me Freedom and Wholeness
Healing My Spirit, Solving Awful Problems, and Making a Good Life
One focus of my 70+ years on this planet has been health of spirit and body. It is a core of both my personal strivings and my teachings.
Spiritual health eluded me for the first thirty years of my life.
The terrible things that happened to me in my childhood and early adulthood crushed my spirit, to quite a degree.
Then I found my place in wild magic from Fairy Gods. Their magic freed me and made me whole.
Before that spiritual empowerment, all my efforts to improve my life fell short. Sufficient money, safety, physical health, joy, and other human heritages eluded me.
I don’t blame myself for tragedies inflicted by other people and circumstances. I never blame the victim. Bad things happen to good people.
What I’m saying instead is this. Magic filled with love from my Gods empowered me to overcome awful problems and make a good life.
This Faerie Witch magic continues to free me and keep me whole, despite the major problems and emotional upheaval that life can bring.
Nothing Happens in a Vacuum. Not Tragedy, Joy, or Anything Else
The spiritual devastation of my childhood was at least partially due to rough circumstances.
In the same vein, spiritual health doesn’t grow in a void.
That lesson was brought home to me today. While finishing this post, I noticed flower bulbs I put in a vase four days ago.
The photo shows that they’re above the waterline. That is a standard method for blooming bulbs in water. Roots appeared almost immediately and are now a third of an inch long.
It only took four days for the bulbs’ roots to start growing down toward the water that would feed it. These bulbs arrived dormant but are already on their way to blooming. We bloom even more quickly when near love, safety, and magic! And even more quickly if, instead of being near “the water” like the bulbs, we are enveloped by love, safety, and magic!
A Sacred Magical Space
for You to Bloom and Thrive
I’m devoted to helping you access the gifts the Gods have given me.
I learned to create a healing, empowering, magical, safe, love-filled space.
If you want that, I’ll perform a shamanic ceremony for you. It builds a magical environment all around you as you go about your daily life. This is the magic with which the Fairy Gods changed everything for me. It transforms you and your life, giving you greater power and good luck.
You can also think of that environment as a flow of blessings and good luck that embraces you. Or think of it as Divine love healing your spirit, body, and life.
The shamanic ritual I’ve outlined has miraculous results, giving you even more than what I’ve described. Learn everything about it: Click the good luck banner below.
Francesca De Grandis, best-selling author of Be a Goddess! provides Faerie Shamanism classes, Shamanic counseling, and healings. Trained from birth in a European Shamanic family tradition of Celtic and Italian Witchcraft, she has lived this lesser-known Faerie Shamanism for 72 years. Her Goddess mysticism is combined with practical magic and a down-to-earth philosophy. Nickname: Outlaw Bunny.
Posted in Community, Spirit, The Whole Thing
Tagged DeGrandis, fairy, Francesca De Grandis, Franchesca, gods, good luck, health, joy, love, magic, money, safety, witch
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How to Name Your Magic Familiar
How to Name Your Magic Familiar
Nothing in this post is meant as a rule about how to name a familiar. Magic has endlessly diverse expressions. That includes how to name a familiar. My experiences naming familiars helped lead me to a magical relationship with my pets. That, in turn, helped lead to doing powerful magic with them. So perhaps my experiences might be useful to witches other than myself.
Before we get to that, let’s look at a few basics about familiars in case anyone needs them to understand the main topic.
What Is a Familiar?
A familiar is a witch’s magical companion, helper, and even guide. A familiar can be any animal. Witches tend to be attuned to nature and its sacredness. So animal companions often suit witches. Animals have a wildness and innate magic that they are happy to lend to the spells their witches cast.
Usually, a witch doesn’t have to ask a familiar for their help. A familiar will, for example, enter the room when a witch starts a spell, then lend its magic to the spell without the witch doing anything to cause that. There are more ways familiars help magically, and I hope to write a blog about that. And with that, here’s the topic at hand:
Discovering Your Familiar’s Name
You can apply my methods to any animal, by and large. Most of my familiars have been cats, so I’ll focus on them here, but the way I’ve found their names is not specific to the feline species.
Note I’ve written “found their names,” not “decided on their names.” I believe animals I meet already have names, in the same way each one already has a distinct personality.
Or, if the animal is very young, so might not have chosen a name yet, I want to find it with them.
No one taught me that a pet telling me their name is often better than my choosing one for them. But it makes sense. Cats are independent, making choices about everything they do. So they sure would want to choose their names. Other animals make their own choices, too.
Our Pets Have Magic Power
Animals are not stupid. Far from it. They are magicians. And that’s another reason it makes sense to let them choose their names. Let me explain.
One of my favorite bits of cat lore is an Italian story about a fairy who disguised herself as a cat. The British Isles also has stories about fairies disguised as cats.
There’s real power to the idea that cats and other animals can be fairies. I want to honor that by discovering their names instead of forcing one on them.
(As a fairy who is often disguised, I get along well with fairies disguised as animals. Are you secretly magical, too, and hang out with other secret fairies?)
How to Help Your Magic Familiar Tell You Their Name
My magical kitties let me know their names.
Here are the two easy steps I take so a cat can tell me their true name.
1) I choose a tentative name. Here are a few ways I might do that. I select a name based on the cat’s personality. Or, if their personality reminds me of any magical lore, I might take a word from that lore as the name. Or perhaps a name will pop into my head. Or a friend will suggest one. Or the cat was named by a previous owner, so I use that name as my starting out point.
2) Then I say the name to the cat and watch their response. Perhaps they ignore it, or they pay attention. If they ignore the name, I look for another one.
Or perhaps they respond by walking away. That’s a pretty clear sign that they don’t like the name.
Or I say a name to them, then have a feeling that they like or dislike it.
Mind you, I did have one familiar for seven years who didn’t care what I called her. That was interesting. No reason a familiar must have a name if they don’t want one … or perhaps don’t want to let you know it.
Again, I share my above steps for naming a familiar as possibilities, not rules. I post my theories about familiars’ names as my beliefs, and I encourage you to cleave to your own if they differ from mine. If you prefer another method for naming a familiar, you should use it. If you have found it’s better to name a familiar than to let them name themselves, trust yourself. The Fairy Gods support you to do what you think is best.
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You Can Have Power, Help, and Miraculous Magic Now
New Event:
You Can Have Power, Help,
and Miraculous Magic Now
A Three-Month Shamanic Ritual
to Get What You Want and Need
Fairy Witch elder and best-selling author of Be a Goddess!
Enrollment ends Wednesday October 26.
Definitions if you’re new to my work:
*Witchcraft and Shamanism are synonymous in my tradition. Ask me why if you want.
* Ditto spells, rituals, meditations, etc.
* All the magic I teach is Fey, whether described as such or not. I use different spellings of fairy, basically using them as synonymous. Ditto related words—fae, fey, fay, etc.
This event consists of weekly ceremonies that immerse you in good luck, healing, power, and other blessings. The rites foster success in finances, family matters, creativity, or your other heart’s desires.
The weekly sacred circles help you
* Conquer what life throws at you.
* Land through Divine grace into the life you want—the life you deserve.
On top of all that, these Shamanic circles will suit you if
* You want well-being, success with goals, and triumph over challenges.
* To have those blessings, you need more support, spirituality, and ritual in your life.
* But you don’t see any way to fit them in, at least not enough.
Perhaps you can’t fit them in—or fit them in enough—because you are busy pursuing a wonderful opportunity, are overwhelmed by emotional turmoil, are buried in a crisis, or have other obstacles.
To explain how the event solves this standstill, I’ll start with a question: Do you relate to any of the following remarks?
“I need support but keep putting it on hold because my plate’s full.”
“I’m afraid my project won’t do well. I wish I had time to do magic to help make it succeed. Magic for confidence, creativity, and clarity could make the difference. So could spells that smooth the path by removing roadblocks.”
“I want to cast spells to stop the crisis in my life. But my head is filled with my problems so I can’t focus enough to do magic.”
“I’m always stressed. I need spirituality more, to have serenity and clarity. But I never feel centered enough to do ritual.”
“I have so many problems that I need to do rituals for fortitude and calmness. But I’m too busy keeping my head above water.”
“I desperately want the inner power to overcome my challenges. But I am always exhausted and have no energy for rituals to empower myself.”
If you could have made any of those statements, don’t worry. You don’t have to wait for help, power and miracle-causing magic. To benefit from this three-month Shamanic rite, you can show up at our circles exactly as you are and then do exactly as you do. Magic will welcome you, accept you as you are, and help you. So will I.
If you’re distracted, unmotivated, upset, or whatever, we’ll still make important progress toward your goals.
Whether they are love, money, health, serenity, strength, self-love, or something else, I will help. Where and who you are now in your life, that’s where we begin. Examples:
Having trouble focusing? There will be spells that don’t require sharp focus to succeed. The spells that need concentration include steps to increase focus, and those spells don’t require perfect concentration to succeed. Your attempts alone feed success.
Don’t know your goals? The event includes rituals for clarity and Divine guidance. You can use one or more of them to decide on goals. I’ll give you a psychic reading about it if you need that too.
Struggling emotionally? The rituals for this event take that into account and still work.
Wondering if there’s any point in trying? The rituals we’ll do for inner power can be applied to hopelessness.
This event accommodates you rather than you accommodating it.
Another example: It’s okay to miss some sessions.
In a moment, I’ll address enrolling despite a full schedule. In the meantime:
For four decades, I’ve helped people manifest greater personal fulfillment. And I always start with where they actually are in their lives rather than their having to forgo improving their lives until they were in the “right” state of mind or “right” situation.
Patriarchal “spiritual” teachers insist we must be worthy before receiving Divine help. They say we must prepare this way or that before approaching a God.
My Gods stand by me exactly as I am in any given moment. They stand by me when I’m desolate or don’t trust Them. They stand by me in hard times. They stand by me when I cannot or will not stand by myself. This event is a way you can allow Them to stand by you.
They offer me miracle-making magic in all circumstances—not waiting until I am “worthy.” Their magic is abundant in the upcoming event..
Enroll in my new three-month Shamanic ritual—You Can Have Power, Help, and Miraculous Magic Now.
Attend Circle by Phone. It’s Easy!
The group meets by teleconference: Simply call the event phone number to attend.
Schedule
We meet Mondays, 6:00 to 7:00 pm pacific time, from October 31 through Jan 30, skipping the following Mondays:
* November 28
* December 26
* January 2
Reserve Mondays February 6 and 13, 6:00 to 7:00 pm, for makeup sessions in the unlikely chance I’m unavailable for any of the planned dates.
Enrollment ends Midnight Weds October 26.
Enrollment
Cost is $200 a month. Your carrier might charge you for the calls.
If you must drop out, simply cancel your subscription, and further payments aren’t required. No refunds.
Click the Subscribe button below to enroll securely through PayPal.
If you don’t receive an email confirming payment within a few days, check your spam filter and spam mailbox. If the email isn’t there, or you want to discuss a scholarship, semi-scholarship, trade, or payment plan other than the subscription, or you need additional information about the event, please call me at the number below. Upon payment, your seat is reserved. A few days before our first meeting, you receive an email with the event phone number and other details.
I’m fiercely passionate in my belief that my teachings create miracles because decades of lessons have proven it.
Trained from birth in a European Shamanic family tradition, I have lived this obscure tradition of Faerie Witchcraft for 72 years. A long life of training and experience inform this three-month Shamanic ritual to get what you want and need.
I combine Goddess mysticism with practical magic and a down-to-earth philosophy. When you work with me, we won’t spin our wheels, pie in the sky. You’ll accomplish what you need to accomplish.
I am fiercely passionate about supporting my students because I care. I commit to you, with all my cells and all my magical skills.
Just show up, and I do a lot for you. The results are big. The price for the event is a deal because so much Fairy magic will enchant your days. Here’s how:
Four Master-of-the Arts Magics
Will Fuel Your Success
Here are four Master-of-the Arts magics I bring to this event:
1) Oral Tradition Faerie Rituals
I use master-level Witchcraft techniques to create healing and empowerment ceremonies safe for beginners and substantive enough for adepts.
Enrollment is limited because we work in oral tradition, in which immense headway can happen quickly. Fairy oral tradition magic happens in small groups. A small group also allows participants to receive individualized attention.
In addition to the benefits I’ve mentioned, weekly circles help you stay on course toward your goals and maintain progress. How? The meetings provide ongoing support, are a chance to consistently apply magic toward your goals, and empower you to take the necessary mundane-plane steps toward your ideal life.
2) Every Week, I Do a Spell For Your Success
For the whole three months, I cast spells for you to achieve goals.
The spells give you good luck, add power to your efforts to improve your life, and strengthen the magic of our meetings.
Creating the life and state of mind you want can require good luck. This Shamanic circle helps you be soooooo lucky.
The magic I do for you adapts to your needs automatically (instead of me arrogantly deciding what you need), e.g., personal growth, peace, physical health, confidence.
The spells don’t focus on one benefit but bless you as a whole being and enrich your entire life.
3) Psychic Readings about Your Goals
You receive psychic readings about your goals, situations, and process regarding them.
My readings include practical advice, no matter how serious, complex, sophisticated, or unusual your circumstances are.
4) One-on-One Shamanic Support by Phone
I’m available if you have concerns that you prefer to discuss privately. Or, if you have a question that’d take too long to answer during a group ceremony, you can call.
I address your concerns with common sense, channeled information, and a blessing rite.
Each of those four magics constitutes a major power that transforms lives big time. The powers together make a whole even greater than its parts. Reviews:
“Life-changing. I don’t have words adequate to thank you. … One of the most deeply meaningful experiences of my life .”—Melissa
“I am truly blown away at how much I was able to resolve and heal.”—Chad Woodward
“My life just seems to go better when I’m taking one of your classes!”—Shauna Farabaugh
Cost for three months of Shamanic circles, my weekly spells for you, psychic readings, and one-on-one support: $200 a month for three months. Your carrier might charge you for the calls.
Click the Subscribe button below to enroll securely through PayPal.
So Busy that There’s No Time for Self-Care?
Don’t know where you’ll find time for magic? Save time by participating in this Shamanic ritual:
You can avoid going down rabbit holes. The event includes rituals in which you cut through inner and outer blocks. This streamlines your life, helps you focus on your needs and wants, and creates effective actions on the magical and mundane planes.
Classes are only one hour per week.
You Can Have Power, Help, and Miraculous Magic Now is not a course of study. Actual classes can require endless assignments and other work. This three-month ritual consists of weekly Shamanic circles that provide ongoing spiritual and Shamanic support.
When I commit to something, the universe responds by supporting my effort, often with miracles. This includes giving me the time and energy to fulfill my commitment.
Enroll now for the time and energy to have power, help, and miraculous magic in your life now:
Don’t let anyone keep you from a happy life. Live the way you want. Enroll.
Posted in Classes, Books, and Other News
Tagged De Grandis, DeGrandis, fairy, Francesca, Franchesca, goddess, luck, magic, mysticism, ritual, shaman, spells, spiritual, witch
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New Event: Use Fairy Magic to Reach Your Goals
in a six-month Shamanic circle
with Francesca De Grandis,
Fairy Witch elder and best-selling author of Be a Goddess!
Enroll by Weds Oct 5.
Table of Contents
Why You Might Need This Event If You Have Goals
Reaching Heartfelt Goals Is an Enchanted Spiritual Journey
If You Think You Have No Time for Use Fairy Magic To Reach Your Goals, Read This
Attend Circle by Phone. It’s Easy!
Four Master-of-the Arts Magics Will Fuel Your Success
Magical Overview of
Use Fairy Magic To Reach Your Goals
Definitions if you’re new to my work:
*Witchcraft and Shamanism are synonymous in my tradition. Ask me why if you want.
* Ditto spells, rituals, ceremonies, etc.
* All the magic I teach is Fey, whether described as such or not.
Use Fairy Magic To Reach Your Goals is a six-month shamanic process to fulfill longings. Love, money, health, serenity, self-love, or other goals.
Success in life!
Every week, I lead participants in success magic—rituals that draw good luck, healing energy, and other blessings. Imagine success in finances, family matters, creativity, or other heart desires.
Imagine a flow of good luck, healing energy, and other blessings for six months. Drawing on ancient Faerie Faith secrets, we’ll use that flow for spells that work.
I’ll show you how to use them as money magic, love magic, healing magic, success magic, and/or other spells that give you what you need and want.
I lead our circles with easy-to-understand, step-by-step magical instructions.
I also, if you need, help you figure out what your goals are.
Why You Might Need This Event If You Have Goals
The weekly circles help you maintain progress because they provide ongoing support, are a chance to consistently apply magic to fulfill your goals, and empower you to keep taking mundane-plane steps toward your ideal life.
Use Fairy Magic To Reach Your Goals also centers you in your power. You are a Goddess or, if you prefer, a God. To be a Goddess means everything. You have everything inside you. This event includes rites in which you access your Divine power to cast successful spells.
Additionally, accomplishing important goals can require good luck in the mix. This shamanic circle helps you be lucky … and lucky … and lucky even more.
Here’s one last reason:
Reaching Heartfelt Goals
Is an Enchanted Spiritual Journey
Use Fairy Magic To Reach Your Goals will be magical and spiritual.
Combining spirit and Fay magic creates miracles. They’ve happened in my life repeatedly, for decades.
Here’s one of the reasons a spiritual journey moves a person toward their heart’s goals. The healthier one’s spirit, the greater one’s magical powers, and the more one’s subconscious allows blessings into one’s life.
Use Fairy Magic To Reach Your Goals includes rituals in which you can address your pressing spiritual challenges.
In those rituals, Fairy Gods add their enchantments so that our very cells shift, making our fullest potential on both the mundane and magical planes emerge. This is power to get things done.
Your major spiritual concerns may seem irrelevant to your goals. We’ll address those challenges because you are of a piece. So any of your spiritual blocks affect all parts of you and your progress toward goals.
I look forward to growing spiritually alongside you. I want to be as happy as possible so always look for opportunities to grow.
Every bit I grow spiritually moves me toward maximum prosperity, serenity, ability to be of service, and my other ideals.
If You Think You Have No Time for Use Fairy Magic To Reach Your Goals, Read This
Whether consumed with holding your head above water or happily swamped with efforts toward fabulous goals, enroll.
Here’s why:
The shamanism I teach saves you time in five(!) ways.
A) You move through inner and outer blocks, so you don’t lose time going down rabbit holes.
B) You experience remarkable mental clarity. Instead of finding neither solutions to your problems nor steps to success, you see practical actions to get what you want.
C) Your life and mind become streamlined, focused on what you need and want.
D) Celtic and Strega magic have traditionally been used to overcome hardship and oppression. Both these magics are in the ancient European witchcraft tradition in which I was raised. This heritage informs my rites.
E) The sophisticated magics to which we’ll have access are exactly what works to hit big goals. You could waste a lot of time, otherwise.
Only you know what’s right for you. But bear in mind that the shamanic methods I offer have conquered challenges that should’ve killed me, and have freed me from inner and outer limits. They can do the same for you.
These tools give you spiritual and material power to have a happy life, no matter how large, complex, or sophisticated your challenges and goals are.
I’ve never met anyone too successful materially, spiritually, or magically to not profit in major ways from my work.
This event can be applied as one of the two qualifying electives required for advanced shamanic training.
Attend Circle by Phone. It’s Easy!
Schedule
We meet Wednesdays, 6:00 to 7:00 pm pacific time, October 12 through April 5, except we skip the following Wednesdays:
* November 23
* December 21
* December 28
* January 4
* February 22
Reserve Wednesdays April 12 and April 19, 6:00 to 7:00 pm, for makeup sessions in case I’m unavailable for any of the planned dates.
Enrollment
Cost is $200 a month. Your carrier might charge you for the calls.
If you must drop out, simply cancel your subscription, and further payments aren’t required. No refunds.
Click the Subscribe button below to enroll securely through PayPal.
If you don’t receive an email confirming payment within a few days, check your spam filter and spam mailbox. If the email isn’t there, or you want to discuss a scholarship, semi-scholarship, trade, or payment plan other than the subscription, or you need additional information about the event, please call me at the number below. Upon payment, your seat is reserved. A few days before our first meeting, you receive an email with the event phone number and other details.
I do a lot for you, to help you achieve a lot. The price you pay is a deal because so much Fairy magic will enchant your days. Here’s how:
Four Master-of-the Arts Magics
Will Fuel Your Success
Trained from birth in a European shamanic family tradition, I have lived this obscure tradition of Faerie shamanism for 72 years. Decades of training and experience prepared me for Use Fairy Magic To Reach Your Goals.
I combine Goddess mysticism with practical magic and a down-to-earth philosophy. When you work with me, we won’t spin our wheels, pie in the sky. You’ll get stuff accomplished.
I’ll bring my entire magical tool kit to this event. This includes four of my Master-of-the Arts magics. Here they are:
1) Oral Tradition Faerie Rituals
I use master-level shamanic techniques to create healing and empowerment ceremonies safe for beginners and substantive enough for adepts.
Enrollment is limited so we can work in oral tradition, in which immense headway can happen quickly. Fairy oral tradition magic works only in small groups. A small group also allows participants to receive individualized attention.
With the ancient Fairy Gods by us, we’re unstoppable.
2) Every Week, I Do Spells For Your Success
The whole six months, I’m casting spells for you to achieve goals. Here’s how:
You receive direct spiritual transmissions in each meeting. Spiritual transmissions are a method I use to give you good luck, add power to your efforts to improve your life, and strengthen the magic of our meetings.
My transmissions also adapt to your needs, e.g., personal growth, peace, physical health, strength to rise after life’s knocked you down. The transmissions don’t focus on one benefit but bless you as a whole being and enrich your entire life.
3) Psychic Readings about Your Goals
You receive psychic readings about your goals and process regarding them.
My readings include practical advice, no matter how serious, complex, sophisticated, or unusual your situation is.
Your readings occur during rituals that empower you to apply the material I channel for you. In other words, we’ll do magic for you to have the confidence or other strength needed to follow through on the reading.
I trained full-time to become a worthy shaman for community. A spiritual counselor for over 40 years, I still strive to improve my skills. I bring decades of experience and training to every counseling session.
4) One-on-One Shamanic Support by Phone
I’m available if you have concerns that you prefer to discuss privately. Or, if you have a question that’d take too long to answer during a group ceremony, you can call.
I address your concerns with common sense, channeled information, and a spiritual transmission.
Each of the four above magics constitutes a major power that changes lives big time. The powers weave together into a whole that is even greater than its parts. Reviews:
“My experience studying with you has been life-changing. I don’t have words adequate to thank you. … One of the most deeply meaningful experiences of my life .”—Melissa
“I am truly blown away at how much I was able to resolve and heal.”—Chad Woodward
“My life just seems to go better when I’m taking one of your classes!”—Shauna Farabaugh
Cost for six-months of rituals and transmissions, a psychic reading, and one-on-one support: $200 a month. Your carrier might charge you for the calls.
Plus you receive more magics than are listed above. For example, ten PDF Book of Shadow pages with magical instructions and my original talismanic art illuminations. The illuminations are amulets that can increase success when you apply the page’s text.
Click the Subscribe button below to enroll securely through PayPal.
The world is kind of crazy now. Recently, a great big man jumped out of his car and started yelling at me. It was frightening. A 72-year-old, I’m physically fragile. The guy was scary. Once I was well out of his sight, I almost broke into tears.
When I got home, I called a friend, talked the incident through with her, and went back to work. I don’t let anything stop me.
Don’t let anything stop you. Enroll in Use Fairy Magic to Reach Your Goals.
Posted in Classes, Books, and Other News
Tagged De Grandis, DeGrandis, fairy, Francesca, Franchesca, goddess, magic, mysticism, ritual, spells, spiritual, Transmission, witch
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Oberon Zell and Francesca De Grandis Interview
Oberon Zell and Francesca De Grandis Interview
Who is Oberon Zell?
A founding father of modern Paganism,
Who is Francesca De Grandis?
Francesca De Grandis, best-selling author of Be a Goddess! is a full-time community shaman—classes, psychic readings, and healings. Trained from birth in a European shamanic family tradition of Celtic and Italian witchcraft, she has lived this lesser known Faerie shamanism for 72 years. Her Goddess mysticism is combined with practical magic and a down-to-earth philosophy. Nickname: Outlaw Bunny.
Francesca De Grandis: I wanted to interview Oberon because we confront many of the same challenges, share a similar genius, and are remarkably alike in other ways—so many that the list would get boring to read. But, over the decades, I’ve seen a similar unflinching commitment to high standards. Our common traits are ones that help us serve the Pagan community so I want to support anyone who has them.
Fun story about that: Oberon, like me, spends much of his day serving community, Gaia, and Gods. After our interview ended, Oberon wrote me, “It just occurred to me that I needed to have said something about Service, which is really what my life and work is all about. I’m on Her Majesty’s Sacred Service! Can you add in something along those lines?” I cracked up since his unending service is obvious in the interview. The amount of work he has done, his insistence on taking responsibility, and his joy are clear earmarks.
With that:
The Ecstatic Path and Pagan Spiritual Practices
Magic, Pagan Books and Other Writing,
and Visual Art
To help create experiential Fairy witch lessons in my books and classes, I add my paintings to book pages or classes’ handouts, much the way medieval manuscripts had illuminations in the borders. Of course, mine are my style because I’m not a repressed monk in the Middle Ages but a feisty Fey Pagan. The art supplements the enchantments of the text.
Is there a way being a magician, writer, and visual artist weave together for you?
Plagiarism Versus Attribution of Pagan Innovations
When MG’s daughter saw her late mom’s symbol on the show in that context, she contacted me, and I got hold of an attorney to pursue a case of copyright violation. This went nowhere until one of our students reached the author of the book, Margaret Atwood. Margaret went straight to the CEO of MGM, and insisted that they treat me right. Shortly we were able to work out a mutually satisfactory licensing contract. And the 2nd season featured flashbacks to a time before the coup, where my design is shown on a poster in a women’s support center (which is true in reality—as it is a representation of women’s empowerment).
We’ll see where this goes in future seasons. I’d love to see it become a symbol of the resistance!
For a long time, I didn’t care when my work was used without my name on it. I didn’t want my ego to get out of hand. Ultimately, everything comes from the Gods. But I learned that lack of attribution is not healthy for anyone involved.
It is spiritual, emotional, and financial oppression, even if unintended.
Divinity and Nature—our ultimate sources of power, beauty, and all other things—are accessible to everyone. (And Nature is surely as divine as anything else, if not more so.) When intermediaries—painters, ritualists, teachers, poets, parents, etc.—empower us to access the Divine and Nature directly, those individuals are sources too.
We diminish our connection to Nature and the Divine unless we try to honor all the sources we draw on, because the cosmos is a connect-the-dots picture in which all the dots connect to all the other dots.
So you’re an important role model—a healthy example of someone who insists on taking credit for their work.
Note to reader:
I sent this interview’s questions to Oberon in 2021, possibly in August, which would be a year ago. He quickly gave his answers, but then I moved and then suffered a bad injury (I’m fine now and expect to fully recover).
Had we done the interview later, I would’ve asked Oberon to discuss Roe versus Wade in relation to his symbol and the tv show. But I didn’t want to further delay publishing an important interview.
Equally important, though we do not directly address the Roe versus Wade ruling, Oberon owning his work instead of letting it be used unacknowledged and without payment inspires me in the ongoing necessity to fight for sovereignty over my life and my work.
Someone might respond, “It’s easy for a white man to stand up for his rights.” It might be easier compared to what someone else might go through, but any innovative genius focusing more on service than on using their skills to climb up into an oppressive hierarchy has known the heartache and struggle that occurs when their work is ripped off. We creative geniuses committed to service are in this fight together. End of note.
Pagan Gossip Is Often Untrue
Francesca De Grandis: My experiences as a public figure taught me that widely-spread tales of well-known individuals are often incorrect. Is there a story or “fact” about you that you’d like to set straight?
Pagan Practices during Challenging Times
(Note to reader: This interview took place 2021. That information gives you a time frame for the “past year” Oberon mentions.)
A Lifelong Mission
Genius, Multifaceted Individuals, Productivity, and Service
Can you name one of your role models, Pagan or not, who inspires you to keep at your goals?
Is there anything else on your mind you want to share?
Posted in Art, Writing, and Music, Community, Spirit, The Whole Thing
Tagged art, Celtic, classes, De Grandis. Franchesca, DeGrandis, ecstatic path, faerie, Francesca, goddess, gossip, Healings, Italian witchcraft, magic, Oberon Zell, pagan, plagiarism, psychic, Ravenheart, readings, shaman, shamanism, writing
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Pagans, Autism, Community, Being Safe, and Courtesy’s Magic
Pagans, Autism, Community,
Being Safe, & the Magic of Courtesy
June 9, 2022
Before getting to this post’s topic, I want to share that, as a Pagan, I honor everyone having their own path. Your right to choose the terms that describe you helps fosters that path. Deciding whether to use autistic, autism, on the spectrum, Asperger’s, neurodiverse, or other words is your choice. Words go in and out of vogue. I extend to you the courtesy of respecting your decisions. This is a safe space where you won’t be criticized for how you see you. Courtesy is magic, and I choose to live in an enchanted, mystic community. And with that, on to my post.
Autism and Being Afraid of Community
Fellow travelers on the spectrum,
Do relate to any part of this story?
You join a group—Pagan or not—on social media or IRL.
Previously, perhaps you would’ve entered with the socially acceptable—and socially enforced—“Hi, I’m new here. I hope you like me. Please don’t hurt me. Is everything I’m doing okay with you? If not, I’m sorry. I also apologize for breathing.”
There are many reasons anyone might be that nervous about entering a community. If you’re on the spectrum (or even if you’re not, and there might be a lot in this article that someone who’s neuro-typical might relate to), perhaps you’ve repeatedly been attacked and exiled from a tribe just for being you. Or you find interactions with people baffling and so become afraid you’ll do something embarrassing or offensive when you approach a group.
Whatever the case, let’s say you’ve learned to trust yourself and not bow down when you introduce yourself, so you refrain from a fearful hello. Perhaps you’re still afraid, but you don’t act like it.
Or maybe you’ve always embodied a trait I associate with my autism: I speak what I have to say. I don’t mean I’m rude (although many neuro-typical people misrepresent it as rude) or am calling people out, I just talk. So at this point in the story, whether you’ve been afraid in the past or not, you choose to participate right away in the best way possible: by being yourself.
Important aside: I don’t expect everyone in my tribe to necessarily identify with every detail of this story. I do hope that some of my tribe will experience and find relevant the overall emotional sense of the tale.
Autism and Jumping into Community
Instead of acting fearful, you enter the new group with Hi, I’m new. Here’s who I am. Here’s what I do.
That can be scary for those of us who are autistic and who have been attacked for making simple statements that are not self-abasing.
An alternative entry might happen, since you’re not going to let fear stop you: you come into a community, wanting to contribute right away, and noticing someone asks a question to which you have an answer, you chime in with it.
Ooh, feels dangerous because some petty person might be territorial about who gets to contribute know-how.
Another scenario: you say, “Hi, I’m new. Here’s a photo of what I made. It seems to fit in with this group. If you want information about it, DM me.” Simple, courteous, not self-effacing.
Attacked to Crush Your Spirit
and Make You Feel Alone
Whatever you do in this story, then a passive-aggressive person, with whom you’ve never had any contact, responds with a nasty, sideways barb.
They didn’t mean anything by it, wink wink. If confronted, they’d deny ill intent instead of being accountable for their behavior.
Their remark was meant to crush your spirit, put you in your place, make you fear, cause you to feel alone.
Perhaps they … don’t … like … your … traits.
Some individuals attack honesty, confidence, genius, or major accomplishments, all of which might be part of being on the spectrum. I try to remember that an ambush might be a sign of how fabulous I am.
Perhaps the attacker is suffering emotionally and spiritually. That thought helps me feel compassion for them. But I don’t have to let them walk on me.
Perhaps the attacker is not passive-aggressive but overtly cruel. For the sake of a few remarks I want to make further on this post, we’ll leave it at passive-aggressive.
Courtesy as Protection Magic
My response to nasty individuals varies according to the situation. When I was attacked in a version of the above-described scenario today, I recalled what my mother taught me at a young age. She said that, when met with unkindness, “Be a lady. If nothing else, it’ll drive ‘em crazy.”
I thank Gods that Mom often knew how to deal with my autism when I was a child. At age seven or eight, I read etiquette books to figure out how people are “supposed to interact,” so that I could follow suit. I’m not saying Mom had me do that or even knew I was doing it. I’m saying her advice was spot on, suiting me in more ways than one.
You can go too far with politeness. I don’t want to use it to suppress my anger. If I do that, I will be angry for a long time, mentally trapped by resentment as it constantly, painfully recycles in my mind.
And I don’t want to meet passive aggression with “polite” nastiness in return.
But Mom’s advice is perfect sometimes. I can sincerely, warmly, kill someone with honest kindness. Simple, non self-effacing, pleasant courtesy. I did that today.
It’s untrue that no autistic person can be polite, though I know etiquette and autism don’t always go hand-in-hand. And if the etiquette in question is the haughty sort meant to make people feel inferior because they don’t know what fork to use, that’s not etiquette. It’s high-handed abuse.
Real etiquette is simple, kind, non self-effacing remarks and behavior. And, as a shaman, I know that is powerful magic.
Being courteous shifts my energy as much as any incantation or formal spell could. I center into my inner power, magnificence, and confidence in those traits. Then I can deal with whatever is on the table.
A Community of Individuals with Autism
Protecting Each Other
Sometimes community is invisible. In every group, there’s a person other than me who is on the spectrum. And they might’ve seen me enter the group with my head held high. They might’ve recognized the covertly mean response, know I saw it too, know they’re not traveling on the spectrum alone, and know I just helped make the world a little safer for them. What more could I want?
… Well, there is more. To remember I’m never alone because my fellow travelers with autism and our allies are making the world safer for me too. Yes! Sometimes community is invisible.
P.S. I made up the phrases traveling on the spectrum and travelers on the spectrum, I love it, I am fabulous!