Two Poems

Two of My Recent Poems
(I may want to revise these further. They are both quite new.)

1) Oct 8, 2011

Like screaming monkeys clinging to our necks, 
unceasingly beating on us,
demons are real.
They’re cowards—banish them.

2)  October 11, 2011

Oh my gods, I’m seeing too many dead eyes
in living people. I’m seeing too many people 
ridden by shame and lies.

I worship a holy darkness, but this—this is 
not Your safe womb, 
Your starlit spring night-sky.
This is a dark closet that children 
are thrust into, 
this is a dark under-the-bed where nightmares hide,
this is a darkness that smiling 50s 
TV hosts pretended exists only in
lunatics’ rantings.

Keep me in your light 
that, residing in the dark,
I do your work.
Keep my light bright
that it may be a beacon—not a beacon to me,
because I am too frail to carry anyone.
But a beacon leading people to you,
My Divine Lover,
My Feast,
My holy Salvation who comes to me draped in vines and roses,
Who  loves me more than a human mother could even love her child.
Come to me.

I am tired of evil possessing souls, 
tired of intellectual escapist debate 
taking everyone’s time
so that nothing is left for ecstasy 
or for morality—
psuedo-spiritual arguments
hogging the bandwidth of human discourse,
sucking up all the air in the room. Where is
my lover’s flesh? Where is medical care
for the poor? I am poor, needing both
medicine and lover.

I understand, God, that this is nothing new.
I understand it is the age-old battle 
between good and bad.
But I am self-centered, don’t want the pain, 
the battle, the betrayals, the lack.
I think I have a right to be an exception
to the human condition. 
I want to be loved.
When I was 16 in 1966, hippie days,
I sat on a curb crying, because someone
explained that all the love I had to offer
was unwanted. “People don’t want 
your love.”
It is a lesson every mystic finally learns
if she comes down from her ivory tower.
Rumi’s students killed his lover.
Christ’s followers denied him. Then ruined
His teachings. 
Many people don’t want love. They want “a piece” of you. 

This is when the seeker can grow up.
 Do you become 
bitter,
superior,
holier than everyone?
Or do you see your own darkness,
and pray to be free from self
that you may hold God?

God, thank you for the lights in my life,
my shining friends who lift my spirits,
who know their own darkness
needs constant attention so that
It does not overtake them.

————-
More of my poetry is in The Ecstatic Goddess: Wild Meditations, Lyrical Rituals, and Earth Sexuality for the Pagan Heart.

And my latest book, which is self-help humor, is Share My Insanity: It Improves Everything. Yup, I guess the above poems are tears of the clown. 🙂

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I Need Help with My New Book

I need help with my new book, Share My Insanity: It Improves Everything.

 Indie culture relies on community support.

 Share My Insanity is self-help humor. Transformative fun. Trickster spirituality.

Spread divine madness:

* Midlist and indie authors rely on their community to buy their book. Each book makes a difference.

* Order Share My Insanity from Amazon soon as possible. The sooner the sales, the more likely Amazon’ll treat the book well—e.g. showcase it so that people know it exists.

* If you prefer a signed copy: http://etsy.me/q20PGk

* Buy a copy or copies as birthday and Yule gifts.

* Most authors don’t break even on a book. Share My Insanity isn’t about money. It is about community.

* Great American novelist May Sarton said something like, “I made friends with the wrong people. I befriended my readers, not the book reviewers.” Yes!

* I love my community—old personal friends, my readers I’ve never met, my students, colleagues, online buds. You—my peers—are it! It isn’t a large community. I’ve never been one to network.

* Midlist authors often have no promotional budget or publicist. We ask our community to help promote. It is you and I doing a guerrilla thang.

* People will only find out about this book if you help. You do have that power. Do not fall prey to the hoax that the book world’s mysterious ways require hours of study before you can help me.

* “Promotion” in this context is not anything fancy or incomprehensible. It is simply telling friends or other potential readers that my book exists.

* Elaborate, special words aren’t needed, just say that my book is out. Simple. Via Facebook, Twitter, email, phone, whatever.

* Mention it at your church, coven, motorcycle club, or gym.

* Or tell one friend. One person connecting with another. Not mass media or massive numbers. Readers not reviewers. Indie culture = people.

* It is enough to say that the title is Share My Insanity, and that it is available on Amazon. Or just send them this link: https://www.outlawbunny.com/share-my-insanity-it-improves-everything

The book is drawn from my marrow, so it frightens me to reach out for help. But I wrote Share My Insanity to be of service. The whole time, I was writing to the sort of independent-thinker and stardusted traveler that visits this site, reads my books, attends my classes, lives in my heart. The help I need to be of service can only come from that same beloved circle. I’m doing all I can to get word out, but have to accept I am only one person. So I’m learning to ask for help: Help this book help readers.

When you do anything to support Share My Insanity—no matter how small—tell me, so I can thank you. And knowing what you did will bolster my spirits—so I can keep fighting the good fight. Each small thing adds up. Feel the power of that.

Share My Insanity.  It improves everything. In gratitude and fellowship, Francesca

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What May Sarton Said

What May Sarton Said
Late night thoughts, exhausted and fighting the flu.

I am so tired of and exhausted by daily terror. Here is how the terror happens every day:

I have written a book (called Share My Insanity).  I calligraphed its words in my own blood. My earnest hopes were recorded by bruising my hands against the computer keyboard. My beliefs – – which are not from my brain but from my cells – – I wrenched these beliefs from those cells, wrenched them out through my pores as if I were extracting my own entrails, tiny bit by tiny bit, minuscule bits small enough to get through pores. Yes, I am trying to say it hurt and it was hard. And that what I wrote was myself, I put myself in that book. Not a self that is some heroic image, but the me that for nine years wrote the book. Bit by tiny bit of self.

What happens next, after the book comes out, is always the same. Somebody attacks. I become terrified, wait for it to happen. They think that, if I could’ve pulled off a book, then I couldn’t possibly be as sensitive as them! I could not be as nervous and vulnerable and terrified as them, or I would never have been able to write down everything I wanted to write and manage to get it published, right? So they think it’s okay to attack.

But I am just me.

You’re not supposed to make complaints about it, if you’re lucky enough to publish. It sounds like whining, lack of gratitude. Take this blog in context, please. I know that being a writer is a blessing. I’ll be lucky to break even on the book, mind you, but that’s not what’s important. What is important is that I was given the gift of putting into words ideas that help people transform their lives. What is important is that I was given the gift —the ability—to create tools for change that make miracles in peoples lives. So take everything I say here within a context of my immense gratitude and the sense of personal connection I feel with my reader. And the context of me knowing I am blessed b/c I actually get to do what I was put on this earth for.

And where there is great light, there will be great dark. To create great things means to face great challenges. And tonight, my dear friend, I am tired of the challenges. And it is time to finally take off my mask, reveal my terror, not only for my sake, but also for other terrified people. The mask we wear because it is supposedly not okay for us to speak about the terror some humans sometimes live in daily.

We are not supposed to speak of it, so that we can be easy targets for haters, who make assumptions that we must be terrible people based on the simple fact that we have voices at all, let alone convictions. Insisting we must be privileged in ways they are not or we could not have written a book or otherwise spoken up. Though we may live in poverty, do without medical care, or be otherwise oppressed, they must pretend to themselves that we are not like them, that we are “other,” something they can project onto. I am tired, so tired, of being dehumanized.

Some of my terror happens from promoting the book. I don’t mean “promotion” as a fancy word and indecipherable concept. By “promotion,” I simply mean letting potential readers know my book exists. Tweeting about it, mentioning it on Facebook, that sort of thing. I have no publicist or money to promote.

The Great American novelist May Sarton said something along the lines of, “I made friends with the wrong people. I befriended my readers, not the book reviewers.” That is like me! The focus of my work is actually my work: teaching, counseling, writing useful books. I was once invited to be on a spiritual leaders’ list—a networking list. I thought, “I don’t have time to be on a spiritual leader list. I’m too busy being a spiritual leader.” (Mind you, I prefer the term “servant” to “leader.”)

When the time comes to promote, I’m not set up like some queen with her fellow kings and queens and rulers who will promote the book for me. I am a servant, a counselor, a writer. But I am viewed by people who do not know me as “one of them,” someone who supposedly has all sorts of hidden connections that create promotion, connections they themselves could never have. Ha! Tired of being dehumanized and projected onto.

Share My Insanity has a message of life and fullness, light and healing. To try to get word out about it is like being blocked by an edifice of darkness that reaches all the way to the sky. I am staring up at it, looking up hopelessly—I do mean hopelessly—saying, “How do I get around this edifice to the other side where I can tell people the book exists, so that it can be of service?”

The edifice is big business, the edifice is our class system, the edifice is sexism, the edifice is our human avoidance of messages that challenge us to grow. The edifice is Forces of Evil. Yes, I believe Big Evil exists, even though it is not chic, hip, or psychologically kosher to do so.

Luckily, I believe the Divine is bigger than the Dark Construction of my metaphor, that Divinity will work in ways I cannot even imagine. I must rely on Divinity.

 And you are the Divine, too: If you feel one of my books has helped you, I need your help letting others know that my new book exists. I’m not asking for anything fancy or incomprehensible. Just mention Share My Insanity on Face book. Or at your church. Or to one friend.  One person connecting with another person is what I am about, not mass media or massive numbers. Readers not reviewers. 

I joked earlier today, “Having a book out is terrifying and paradoxical: it’s like taking off all your clothes in public, then hoping nobody looks at you.” I choose this public life. I also choose to be a semi-recluse. “Taking my clothes off” is a choice—an insane choice, but I am driven. And I know I’m doing the right thing, hard as it is. And I have great joy as an author and healer. I have real fun promoting.

But in middle of all the terror, the attacks, the feeling of banging my fist uselessly against “the machine,” it is hard to trust the Divine. I find it next to impossible to bring this flawed terrified self into God’s care. Instead, I beat myself up with the idea that I should have some sort of perfect surrender, perfect trust, and an ability to be beyond these painful human feelings.

Primroses in my yard: they bloom at night.

I do not give up on trying to be in God. Not permanently. I keep trying: I keep feeling my light and the light that is a Beneficent Cosmos. I notice light, it is not an idea to me but a reality that I experience. I moved between it and the terror—and along the spectrum between the two—for a long time as I worked toward the book release a week ago. I have continued this spectrum since then.

A lesson from all this is to bring my battered imperfect self into God’s care. I am no saint. I’m just a poet. A healer. A mystic. A teacher. A clown devoted to creating antics in God’s service. I have known great ecstasy and jubilation in my lifetime. I believe I was put on this earth for pleasure. I believe I was also put here to learn. Sometimes I can learn through joy and jokes. Sometimes I must suffer through the pain that is a doorway into growth.

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Alethea, Part Four: The World Tree

Short story fiction. Fantasy. Urban Faerie tale. Allegory. June, 2011.
Parts one, two, and three are also on this site.  

World Tree Rune, by OutlawBunny

Now what? She didn’t know, couldn’t figure out the next action needed. So she started walking. She had no idea where to, but she needed to walk, somewhere or nowhere.  

Look at it. Look at it, her beloved home. Devastated. Then Alethea did know what was next: Rebuild Faerie.  

Thinking back to a time before the war, she remembered an incantation that Fey gardeners used:  

Make the landscapes
so enchanted
that their detail
is prismatic,
endlessly faceted
in their beauty.  

The chant had made Faerie flourish. With longing so deep it was a passion, Alethea remembered those lands, recalling each one as completely as if it were the terrain of her own body. She closed her eyes, and tried to bring one of those memories to life before her, by visualizing it: arches of both tree limbs and gateways, leaves so defined that they were like cut gems . . . No, it wasn’t working. Elven beauty was too extravagant for her mind to encompass any large piece of it.  

She would focus her visualization on one small thing. A rose. Again, she visualized: a green stem . . . then she imagined the stem was slightly curved . . . Then thorns along it . . . The thorns sharp and reddened . . . The rose: red . . . Each petal velvet, color deepening almost purple in places.  

. . . Each petal’s edge as precise as a child’s love for his mother. She opened her eyes, and there it was, in reality: a perfect rose. No, it was better than perfect; it was a perfect Fey rose, unmatched by any human’s garden.  

Then, without further help from her, additional growth started. The stem lengthened and branched, while other parts of a rosebush manifested, planted right into the ground. Blossoms covered it, ridiculously full blossoms. Small tender promises appeared—wee buds so poignant they could only have been magic-ed into being.  

From all sides, brethren appeared. Brethren! Gorgeous, laughing heartily and musically, their features and bodies so beautiful that it was foolish—her Faerie kin. 

Forest Elf - Fantasy Art by OutlawBunny

 Alethea’s shocked smile was so huge, her happiness so apparent, that they laughed even harder. Without reproach, she asked, “Where were you? And why are you showing up now? I needed you.”  

Instead of speaking their answer, they started rebuilding Faerie all around her. For a moment, she watched, then started visualizing a perfect fountain. She was no longer alone, she was with her kind. And, together, they had what it took to do this job.  

Grass started covering distant hills and nearby patches of earth. She stopped to watch this most precious Faerie color flood the area all the way to the horizon, then she realized that everyone else had ceased work to watch, too. They all had the same expression on their faces as she did—satisfied grins, cheeks and brows relaxed in the peace of a long, fierce, and unsatisfied hunger finally met.  

Wait, they were watching, not visualizing! Faerie was growing on its own now. Their love and coaxing had woken Faerie, which could now make itself flourish and be beautiful.  

Right off the road, a tree formed in a meadow. The tree manifested bit by bit, but not by starting as a sprout or sapling. First came the trunk’s enormous girth, initially transparent, then more and more dense as huge boughs appeared, laden with leaves of silver and crystal, in keeping with the tree’s white bark.  

Tree Of Life - Fantasy Art by Outlaw Bunny

 Some Fey builders ran to the tree. Others collapsed happily to the ground, to just sit and watch. Alethea sat down on the road, knowing she wore a stupid grin. The Tree of Life. The cycle of life. The combined efforts of herself and her fellow Sidhe had brought Seelie Court magic back, until the magic of life itself grew itself in the meadow. And it in turn would take care of Alethea and the rest of the Seelie Court.  

A fellow builder—Mikal—came up beside Alethea. They’d known each other for an eternity—literally. Putting a loving arm around her shoulder, he said, “Thank you. We needed you to start the work. You are truth, Alethea, you initiate the work.”  

Alethea’s peripheral vision caught a figure moving past her. She turned her head to see—not a fellow creator of forests, crystal buildings, merry-go-rounds, and hope, but a stooped-back man, shuffling along. Tears poured from his eyes as he forlornly studied his environment. Other newcomers followed behind him. Some cried; they all kept walking, walking, walking. Not one of them stopped to help with the work or acknowledged the workers.  

Local Land - Outlaw Bunny

 Many of the bedraggled walkers were wide-eyed in miserable horror as they looked around them. They looked hungry, not for food but starving for spirit. Alethea moved to the closest one—a blond woman whose polished features sagged, as if she had been in pain too long. Alethea tapped her shoulder to get her attention. The woman wore a pale blue dress with matching scarf. She seemed oblivious to Alethea’s touch and did not stop walking, the scarf slipping from her, left behind in Alethea’s hand.  

Mikal pulled Alethea to himself, his grip tight and consoling. Alethea asked him, “Why? Why don’t they help us? How can they be unhappy amidst such beauty?”  

“They don’t see it. Just like you could not see us until you created the rose.”  

“We’ve got to do something, help them somehow!” She started walking next to two more of the shuffling figures, who were unaware even of each other.  

“Hello! Hello!,” demanded Alethea.  

No response.  

Alethea turned away. It’d taken her years to return to Faerie. Despite that, she might have wandered desolate landscapes in Faerie forever, if she hadn’t decided to re-magic her home. It was a solution that the bleak wanderers might come to on their own. She could only hope.  

Nothing to be done for it. Except hope, and bear the grief. She turned back to study the Tree of Life.  

She sensed a shimmer next to her, a displacement of energy and matter. She did not have to turn her head to know the Faerie Mother stood next to her and Mikal now.  

Still studying the World tree, she spoke. “Mother, I’ve been thinking that perhaps the Unseelie have assaulted me since my childhood. Am I right?”  

“Yes.” Mother reached down and brushed a hand across a remaining bit of blackened earth, gently and tentatively, as if it were a wounded animal. Lilies of the Valley sprouted up, in the wake of her touch, as raspberry vines and ivy also emerged from that patch of ground, twisting around each other in formal plaits.  

“I will no longer hide my head in the sand, pretending that evil does not exist. I’m willing to admit that Unseelie have continually attacked me, and that they will always fight truth.”  

“Alethea, that they have forever fought you is a myth. Not a myth the way humans use the word, but a real myth—a truth. That they have forever fought you is a truth you now admit, was the myth you lived, and was the only possible myth/truth that could have existed.  

“But now, my child, it is no longer truth. If you continue to believe that they will always attack, it will no longer be truth but self-pity and will draw their fire in order to become truth.  

“You have a new myth now. Wear the mask. Trust my warriors.”  

Animism - by OutlawBunny AKA Francesca De Grandis

Alethea bowed her head, silent for a moment, then smiled. She kissed the Queen on the forehead, squeezed Mikal’s arm, and walked away, into the meadow, toward the World Tree. When she was under its canopy, dappled light blessing her through wind-shifting leaves, she slightly bent her knees, started humming a soft, gentle, easy tune, and began a series of small, swaying, subtle movements in sync with the melody.  

The Queen of Faerie ran to catch up with her and asked, “What are you singing?”  

“It’s from a movie. I think it was called Once Upon a Time in China. I saw it when I was dating a mortal. You know how human men are when they court; it used to be flowers and flattery, now it’s beautiful films with cultural resonance.” She laughed, her laughter part of the tune.  

“Did he also teach you Chi Gung?” She referred to the moves Alethea performed.  

“Yup.”  

“Why are you doing it now?”  

“It makes me happy.”  

“How happy?”  

“It is going to be a very good spell.”  

“How good?”  

“It depends on whether I end it with sex or not.” She winked at the Queen, without breaking the gentle flow of her dance.  

The Queen smiled, and started imitating Alethea’s moves flawlessly, having taught Chi Gung to its mortal originator. 

It was time for the wandering hero to enjoy herself, tend herself, play, contemplate stars until her heart was once again filled with them. Filled so completely with ancient fire that starbursts created new cosmoses within her being.  

It was time to meditate on sacred, passionate, yummy darkness until her heart filled with it again. Filled until the spaces between atoms were an emptiness so utter that it can only be experienced, never described.  

It was time to feast in Faerie banquet halls.  

In other words, it was time for pleasure. It was time for sex. And all these joys and self-tendings, though done for their own sake, would spin the last bit of magic required for Faerie to be whole. The last needed details—subtleties of color, exquisite enchantments, precisions of glamour.  

*****  

I hope you enjoyed this tale. If so, check out Bardic Alchemy, the spoken word album of my stories. Also, I inserted my paintings throughout the story. My visual art is available at my Etsy shop.

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Dedicated to my community

<Blush. Feeling shy. Ahem (clearing throat). > The dedication page to my almost-to-be-book reads: “Dedicated to my community.” I am so happy, I am not sure words can express it, but I’ll try.

The book was going to be without a dedication. After everything had been laid out, except some front matter, I told my publisher there was no dedication. This was in a business meeting, but she kindly suggested some dedications. Her suggestions didn’t work; they were the very ones I’d already rejected; I’d been unable to find the right words; I’d rewritten, over and over, uselessly.

Then she said, “What about ‘to my community?'” I almost gasped! Perfect! (A friend said, “I can picture your ‘Oh my god!’ face when your publisher offered those excellent words. Hilarious!”) It was what I’d tried to write, but I’d gotten lost in too many words.

She added, “Francesca, your community sustains you in every possible way.” It’s true. Not sustain in the sense of me being this big queen bee that everybody tends to. But sustains me in the sense that I’m too crippled to even wash my own dishes; I cannot physically survive without help. And sustains me spiritually as well, because I need fellow stardusted travelers along life’s winding road; we help each other along. And sustains me in the sense of any possible way that community members might sustain each other. 

I have close friends without whom my spirit would shrink to nothing. My definition of community also includes my students: They are my peers. If you and I have never had contact other than you reading my books or newsletters, I consider you community. We are fellow travelers, even if we never meet. The same goes for my tweet buds. My colleagues are also a precious part of my community!

The book is dedicated with more gratitude than I can express (hence all the poorly written dedications I deleted). And with more excitement than I can say, because the dedication is a way to acknowledge and thank you for everything you do for me (and you may give to me in ways you will never know). <Gulp. I am soooooooooo embarrassed!>

The book will be out Sept or Oct. Stay tuned for info on this site.

This is the cover art. I’ll have a jpeg of the actual cover to post soon. I can’t wait to share it!

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Gaia Loves Her Worms:How to Have a Worm Farm in Your Own Home

I wrote this years ago, but finally posted it because members of a list I am on have been asking about vermiculture.

 Even if living in the city without a yard, you can be Gaia’s steward. A worm farm produces fertilizer that’s even better than what’s created in a regular compost bin. (This is an instance in which city folk can outstrip their country cousins.) If you have no garden, make a difference by supplying your gardening friends with earth-friendly worm compost. You can also love up your house plants with low cost, homemade fertilizer that didn’t need to be shipped via gas-guzzling, air-polluting trucks.

Worm composting, known as vermiculture, is easy. I live on seven-tenths of an acre, but I keep a worm bin because it adds another way to be connected to nature, is fun, provides inexpensive, high-quality organic fertilizer, and utilizes my kitchen scraps year round.

The easiest container is a plastic storage bin with a lid. It shouldn’t be translucent; worms need darkness. You’ll want a container—mine is about 16″ L x 12″ W x 9″ D—in which you can put two to four inches of bedding. More bedding than that compresses, which isn’t good; wormies need air.

Punch air-holes—high up so that liquids don’t ooze out the bottom.

Shredded newspaper usually works as bedding. Most black ink used for newsprint nowadays is soy-based. You can call your newspaper to be sure. Non-soy-based inks are toxic to the wormies, the plants you’ll be fertilizing, the earth the plants are in, and anyone who eats the resulting produce. Colored inks used to be a no-no but I don’t know their current status, so I avoid them. Don’t use the shiny paper typical in magazines. I run newspaper through a paper shredder, but you can rip by hand.

Once bedding is in place, spray it with water until it’s quite
moist. Think of how liquid worms appear—they need things wet. Note that I wrote wet and moist, not mini-puddles. Sodden paper compresses into an airless environment.

To maintain a moist environment, re-spray as needed. When I kept my farm in the basement during the winter, I had to spray only once a week. However, upstairs mid-summer, I sprayed every few days.

Worms have no teeth. Provide something they can use to chew their food. The easiest thing is a handful of dirt. Fine sand or ground up egg shells also work.

Now the bin’s ready! Don’t get just any worms. Acquire red worms from a local bait shop or on-line store. Or contact your county extension and inquire whether they have Master Gardeners. Perhaps one of them has worms they’ll give away or sell. (In fact, Master Gardeners in my town helped me learn how to create and maintain a worm farm.)

Place the worms gently under the bedding. Worms don’t do well if
handled, so keep that to a minimum. Leave the lid slightly askew to allow more air in. Wash your hands well after feeding the critters or otherwise handling the bin.

Worms manage a wide range of temperatures, but don’t let it get anywhere near freezing, or so hot that you yourself can’t tolerate it. I’ve kept my bin in a partially heated basement in the winter, in a hot upstairs room during the summer. Both were fine.

It’s time to feed them. Worms eat almost anything: veggies, fruits, bread, cooked rice, banana peels, and coffee grounds. Don’t feed them oils, meat, poultry, fish, or milk. A Master Gardener told me that worms hate onions, citrus, and raw vegetables. She added that they need soft foods, such as cooked vegetables. It seems to me that my worms used to devour raw veggies, but lately I’m wondering if my memory serves me wrong: I’m having some trouble with my worms (more about problems with your bin later) so I am reappraising past events. For now: See for yourself if there’s something your worms hate.

Once a week, put some food in a corner of your container, at the bottom, under all the bedding—a banana peel, an apple core, scraps left over from chopping vegetables, or whatever. I use the same corner every week, then switch corners after a while.

How much food depends on the amount of worms. There are folks who know how to mathematically factor that exactly. Not me! I prefer a more, pardon the pun, organic method. If the bin starts to smell from rotten food, I’m putting in too much. If food’s disappearing too quickly, I provide more.

Therefore, in the early weeks, I check the bin every few days to see how things are progressing. By the way, worms don’t eat the food until it rots. They love yummy rottenness!

The more kitchen scraps you want to use up, the larger the worm population you’ll need, and the larger a bin you’ll need to accommodate them.

Harvest time! After a few months, you should have plenty of dark material in the bin. That’s worm castings, less officially known as worm poop. It is ambrosia for organic gardeners, and good for house plants, lawns, veggie gardens, and floral beds.

Worms can’t live in just castings—they are too toxic. When the bedding is almost eaten, it’s time to harvest. Doing so is a process. And is where I suspect I had trouble. Mind you, at first I harvested lotsa castings, repeatedly. Then my worms kept dying out, and I don’t know why (and I’ve stopped worm farming for a while, so haven’t had a chance to figure it out yet. But I wonder if I was under-harvesting, so that worms were in a toxic environment.)

In any case, I’ll show the two ways I know to harvest. Maybe you can tell me if one or both of these is incorrect. First method: Gently clear one side of the bin (hence called side A) by shoving all its contents on top of what’s in the other side (hence called side B), remembering that wormies don’t do well when handled. Put new bedding on the cleared side, and add food to it at the usual rate, for the next couple of weeks. The critters will recognize the nice new home you’ve made for them and, over a few weeks’ time, migrate to it. After a couple of weeks, check side B. If it’s relatively worm free, it’s yours! Once you harvest it, add new bedding to side B.

Another method: Leave the bin’s contents as is, but add no food or moisture to side A. Moisten and put food in side B only. For the next few weeks, some worms will migrate to side B. After side A has dried out for a few weeks, scoop it out and let it sit somewhere a while; its remaining worms will go to the bottom. Clear off as much of the upper portion as is worm free. That is your fertilizer. Put the remaining worms back into side A, add nice new bedding over them, and give ‘em the usual yummy food (food that is yummy by worms’ standards). Now repeat the whole process with side B.

Using your fabulous worm castings: A Master Gardener told me that, with house plants, she covers the surface of a pot’s dirt with a half-inch layer of castings. Another Master Gardener concurred, adding that you could, instead, just grab a handful of castings and sprinkle it onto the top of the soil. It’s a slow release fertilizer; when you water the pot, the castings leak in bit by bit. In the garden, put a handful around a plant. When transplanting, put a handful of castings in the hole, mix it into the dirt, then put in the plant.

Both Master Gardeners said that you can’t use too much. However, I was misinformed about that for a while. I thought you shouldn’t use too much castings—that more was not better. I would put only a teaspoon on top of the soil of my potted plants. I also would add castings to water and pour it into the ground to make my garden happy. When the water was gone, I would dump the remaining castings onto the garden dirt. Now I follow the more generous usage delineated above, but it does seem— though I can’t give you scientific evidence—that my earlier approach sure seemed to help my plants anyway. I still intend to put castings in water to water my garden.

I’m no vermiculture expert. My first batch of worms died after a year. Ditto my second batch. So I’m still learning. But, both those years, the bin produced mega-amounts of Gaia’ lovin’ fun and fertilizer.

Trying to figure out why my worms had died, I had a long talk with a Master Gardener who has successfully worm farmed for years. I explained that I couldn’t seem to get the farm cleaned, because the worm castings piled up too fast for me to stay ahead of them. At that point I had an “aha:” I remembered the huge number of teeny tiny worms my farm produced (red worms look like wee snippets of white thread when they are babies). I asked the Master Grander if perhaps my worm population had gotten too big for its container, creating more castings than I could keep up on, and hence an environment too toxic for worms to live in. She said, “I wouldn’t know. I never get too many because I’m always giving some away.” That seems a possible yes to my question. Next time I worm farm, if there is a population explosion, I’ll give some worms away.

Tending Mother Earth is a learning process. It is also humbling: There are always mistakes and more to learn. It is also satisfying. If you end up with a seriously smelly bin, dead worms, or other problems, call your local Master Gardeners for advice (if there is such a group in your area). Another option is Gaia’s Stewards, an online gardening group at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/gaiasstewards. Join the group and ask if anyone can address your problem. Together we can be Gaia’s Stewards. And the worms will join in.

Outlaw Bunny AKA Francesca De Grandis runs a Yahoo list called Gaia’s Stewards, at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/gaiasstewards, where both newbie gardeners and experienced green-thumbs share their journeys as caretakers of the earth.

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Recent Dye Art Projects; Also Free-form Three-Dimensional Beadweaving

I’ve been chomping at the bit to share the projects below. I made some of them quite a few months ago, and can finally post them. They won’t shown in my Etsy shop.

 My physical therapist gave me this blouse, unadorned, asking me to paint it for her. I trade art for physical therapy, since my insurance no longer covers it. Don’t you love our medical system? I am grateful for my amazing physical therapist, who helps me so much.

I am kinda new to these paints (Jacquard Products Lumiere) and haven’t done much painting on cotton T-shirt material. It was also the first time I tried to give a Henley a peasant look, which is what my physical therapist asked for. So I kept the design simple. With all that, I was worried it wouldn’t turn out well. But I am happy with the result. And simple works soooooo often. Lumiere is a paint, but it acts like a dye in that it soaks in very well, leaving just a bit of tactile feel.

This is a God box. (If you never heard of a God box: When you have a concern, you can write it down and put it in the box, as a way of giving it into God’s care.) I used Jacquard Products Pearl Ex mixed with varnish to coat an old funky metal file-card box. I had created a beaded leaf (my design, far as I can remember) ages ago, but couldn’t find the right use for it until I glued it onto my God box. The lace is a scrap from a white vintage place mat that I dyed green with Dye-na-Flow (yes, I am a Jacquard Products freak). Then I mixed Pearl Ex colors with Colorless Extender, to paint the scrap with a bit of decoration. Next, I glued pretty material to the top, scrunching up the material as I glued. The final step was adding bones. Two are from little critters who got trapped in an outhouse and died. Um, the bones have been cleaned. I found the third bone in my back yard. A bit of my property is wooded, and there was a deer skeleton there! I think the former owner of this house must have dropped the carcass there after a hunt. It is not that I live on some huge wooded property. In the country, folks often made personal dumping grounds just out back of their house, and still do a bit. 

 I know the combo of femmy décor with bones is weird, but I wanted that because I think the combo is pretty. Also, life is a combo of femmy, bones, and everything else, which seemed perfect for a God box.

I may have made this as far back as late 2010, but I have to share it. I painted a black-t for a friend who was down in the dumps. She hung it on her wall, which made me feel really good. It also spurred me on to frame two of my paintings myself, which was a big step in self-acknowledgement.

I don’t do much intricate, free-form, three-dimensional one-of-a-kind beadweaving anymore. But I designed this piece in exchange for the copyedit of my soon-to-be-book. I used two bones from the aforementioned outhouse. Yeah, it’s a weird necklace. But the women for whom I made it loves bones as much as I do. My goal was a design that spoke of nature’s green, and trees, and bones. Like my woods out back. I also think the necklace is a little humorous; the person for whom I made it likes a joke.

 

 If you would like an intricate, free-form, three-dimensional one-of-a-kind beadweaving designed especially for you, do contact me. The same goes for painting a T-shirt for you.

Thanks for looking at these!!!

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My Life Is a Poem, an Allegory

My Life Is a Poem, an Allegory
Prose poem, July 2011

Perfect black tiny feather lost to the vacuum cleaner, but I decide not to mourn, so when I leave the house, a large black feather is in the grass. 

Front of Feather

The urban shaman, now living ignorantly in the country, has to ask (on Twitter), “What kind of bird does this feather belong to?” I post a picture and a description. The feather is black, but not deeply so, and has no blue. Maybe is a bit brownish.  

Back of Feather

Back of Feather

Responses come. I am told different birds. I am asking the bird’s type, instead of sinking into the lesson it has offered me. I know the lesson but do not live in it. 

Instead, someone tweets me the URL of a science site that would take me an hour to decipher, because I am not good at understanding the site’s approach. I plan to explore it later. And I feel loved by the sender; that much I do well. Which I applaud, because often I reject love. And I should applaud, because I tend only to note my spiritual fall-downs, not my spiritual staying steady. 

I’m tweeted that I should raise feather to the sun because blue might appear. It doesn’t, and I am still ignoring the lesson by checking for hidden blues.   

My life is a poem, an allegory. I learn that the big black feather I found may be crow, illegal to own. Guess I’ll toss it back, into the green, then expect the bigger gift from the Tree of Life.  

. . . I gave the feather back to the Tree of Life, but kept Crow’s lesson to me: Grab the moment instead of the memento (momento); grab the now’s gorgeous detailed pleasures and connectivity, because they will outweigh any poems, books, feathers, or memories that result. 

But still I write this story to you, and trust that I am not incorrigible. My life is a poem, an allegory thrust upon me, a mischief by benevolent Chaos Gods, a bardic alchemy, a myth I try to decipher and try to live fully. I hope and know I am God’s beloved recalcitrant brat. 

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Bardic alchemy is a term from another of my poems, as well as the title of my spoken word album. More on both here. However, I am using the term a bit differently here.

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Alethea and the Chariot, Part Three: Prayer of Release

Beauty Moi - Fantasy Art by Outlaw Bunny

Beauty Moi - Fantasy Art by Outlaw Bunny

Short story fiction. Fantasy. Urban Faerie tale. Allegory. June, 2011. Parts one and two are also on this site. 
I was writing down things I had figured out, because they’re spiritual lessons I need to remember. I’d realized many of them a long time ago, but wanted them in my journal to refer to when I needed them again. They ended up coming out as myth, a story to share. (It is Alethea’s story, in its four parts.) Within a few days, if not hours, of my finishing the tale (except for copyediting etc.), the story manifested physically. Since the story is about war, you can imagine that it’s coming into being in my personal life was an awful experience. But I find this profound and typical, as if the cosmos was saying, “Oh, you think you’ve learned the spiritual lessons that you wrote down? Well then, let’s make it harder for you to apply them!” I love my life, I truly truly love my life! And with that, onto Pt 3 of Alethea’s tale:

A blast of power slammed past Alethea’s head, missing by micro-particles. She ducked down and scrambled behind a bush. Peering out, hoping this would not expose her too much, she saw the source—the Unseelie Queen.

Alethea withdrew herself back behind protective covering. What the heck was the monarch doing here, engaging in a battle herself? Instead of sending her soldiers and unwitting human pawns, like usual? Something heavy was up. Something that did not bode well for Alethea.

She wanted to peek again but hesitated, less from fear of another blast than from fear of looking into the Queen’s face. She’d only seen it once before, but it had frightened her beyond anything she’d encountered in her long eternal life.

The Unseelie ruler was extraordinarily beautiful by human standards. Alethea had been shocked to learn that. She adored the mortal, sexpot actress Marilyn Monroe, and didn’t understand why another blonde was more highly prized—one with bland aristocratic emotionless features was desired beyond all other women.

Alethea didn’t like remembering the other time she’d set eyes on the Unseelie Queen. A young Alethea had made the mistake most Faeries do in their youth. She’d tried drugs, to find out why humans used them so much. She’d spent a weekend with humans in one of their homes, and started with marijuana, which clogged every psychic pore in her body, until she could sense nothing except the mortal realm. She’d felt lost, isolated from life, estranged from magic.

Her human companions said LSD expanded consciousness and opened the veil, so she tried that next. It tore her psyche apart, so she could sense of bit of the otherworld but, both during and afterwards, the drug left her without defenses and skills to make use of the experience. She knew she had become undefended prey in both worlds.

Mentally unbalanced, she convinced herself that heroin should come next. That is when she first saw the queen. After the heroin took effect, the sovereign Fey came to the threshold of the house Alethea was visiting. All the Queen did was stand at the entrance. But Alethea suddenly sobered, all her Fey senses saying that if the woman in the doorway ever got hold of her, she was done for. She would descend into hopelessness. She would live in depravity and be brutalized, from sheer lack of ability to care or change.

Looking into the Queen’s face just once made Alethea commit she would do everything needed to stay on her right path. So much for drugs!

But she’d never known, until now, who the woman at the door had been. Alethea suddenly realized, still hulking behind the bush, that the queen was the blonde archetype that human Americans worship, actually worship. No wonder so many became glamoured by her, became her pawns unknowingly.

I wonder if she’s a drug dealer. Alethea giggled nervously at her own joke, drew in a breath, then looked out from behind the bush.

Gone, the queen was gone. Alethea sent out psychic feelers. Yes, gone.

Then Alethea knew why. It had been a taunt. To draw Alethea into battle.

No, I’m not going to be frightened into a fight, when there is no need to fight. The Queen would never take me on by herself, she’s too much of a coward. I don’t care that she frightens me beyond all else, I will not fight. The Seelie Mother will keep me safe.

Alethea’s brave words did not run deep. They were contradicted by twisting panic in her belly. Fear made her shoulder muscles twitch and spasm. For the next hour, she remained on the ground by the bush, huddled and unable to convince herself she would be safe if she did not fight. Her mind flooded with terrible images of what could happen to her if no one stopped the Unseelie Queen. Her bones filled with dread of what might be done to her if she didn’t stop it.

Then she thought, “The Faerie Warrior’s Prayer of Release!” The chant had made all the difference avoiding a fight long ago, a fight that would have otherwise destroyed her. How had she forgotten it?

Beauty Moi - Fantasy Art by Outlaw Bunny AKA Francesca De Grandis

Beauty Moi - Fantasy Art by Outlaw Bunny AKA Francesca De Grandis

But she knew how. Faeries live a long time, long enough to forget anything, no matter how important, dear, or necessary.

But when Fey did remember, they remembered well. Every line of the lengthy litany returned.

She recited, “I deliver mine enemy into the care of my god. My god is a warrior leading an army. She will battle if needed. My god is a lover who might embrace my enemy, nurturing him, raising him up high to power and prestige, good sex, and many children.

“I release my enemy into my God’s care without intention that he be hurt or helped, lowered or loved, chastised or cherished, destroyed or delighted, made lowly or made great.

“I release my enemy into my God’s care, without rancor, hate, self-pity, fear, poor self-estimation, or lack of selfhood. I release my enemy into my God’s care, my spirit in the now and holding compassion, love, caring, and openness.

“What I hold for my enemy, I hold for myself; hold hate for him, I hold hate within my cells; it will eat me.

“When I release my enemy into my God’s care, I truly release him, then turn my being to the next moment.

“And I release him now.

“And now, I am now. I am in now, of now. Now. So be it!”

Part Four: Click here.

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I have a spoken world album of my stories. (Heh, great typo, it was to be “spoken word” but I like “spoken world” almost as much.) It is called Bardic Alchemy.

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Alethea and the Chariot, Part Two: The Faerie Mask

Short story fiction. Fantasy. Urban Faerie tale. Allegory. June, 2011
Yay, I finally managed to get the second installment posted. (It can take so long between writing something and posting it! I have the rest written, too, but I need to copyedit it, sigh.) Click here for part one.

Detail From My Beloved, Silk Painting by Francesca De GrandisAlethea had walked for at least two hours, human time. She’d passed no buildings, saw nothing but landscape—desolated, devoid of inhabitants. Sickened earth, plants so saddened it was heart-rendering.

She didn’t want to consider what spells would have to be spun to make every tree she passed look the way it did. But she had to face it: What was the exact nature of the magic that had been used? She could not fight unless she knew her enemies’ weapons. And she could not fight hard enough if she wouldn’t admit the cruelty in their hearts, the ruthless lack of caring for Fey lands.

So she walked, pondered. So engrossed in thoughts, and mentally dulled by the ongoing bleakness around her, she was startled when she heard a woman’s voice, even though it was gentle, warm, and musically mocking.

“About time you caught up with me.” The speaker sat by the side of the road—a hooded figure, in a robe of unrelieved matte black, face hidden by hood’s shadow. There could be no face at all.

However, Alethea waited for a gracefully slender hand to pull back the hood and reveal a lovely red-headed woman. Not stunning, but pretty. The sort of face that humans would trust in an advertisement for a wholesome soap, but not if promoting a luxury item. Fool mortals. Mother, Queen of the Seeley court, sat patiently waiting for Alethea’s response.

Alethea took five quick steps, almost scrambling in her haste to come right up before the Queen. Then she dropped down on one knee to grab Mother’s hands in her own. “Thank you. Thank you for bringing me home.”

Alethea paused, but not long enough for the Queen to speak. The Queen was not insulted. Instead, a slight smile lifted the corners of her mouth, and her green eyes were soft and kind as she waited.

“What do I do? What do you want me to do? How do we fight?”

“The war is over, child.”

“No . . . No. That makes no sense.”

The Faerie Queen said nothing. Alethea found the answer inside herself. “Yes, you’re right, it does make sense.”

She continued, as if talking to herself, “While I’ve been walking, I kept thinking that coming home to war makes no sense. Seven months ago, I finished a quest that had lasted two years. It was hardly my first quest since I left here. But two years is a long time in the human realm. And the quest was hard, soldier hard—many battles. A quest for surrender, so that you would let me return here.

“When it ended, I heard your voice telling me that I could finally stop my quests, finally stop fighting, come home. Be a peaceful person. Be domestic, not a warrior.

“Since I arrived, I have thought about Ulysses, that maybe I am like him: He went home to find a battle and a usurper. I’m not Ulysses. That’s not my myth. I am Alethea. I am my own myth.”

Alethea paused again. “No, wait, you say the war is over and, in my heart, that makes sense. But you also told me through the veil that you would battle the Unseelie for me, and that I should drive the chariot. What did you mean?”

The Queen withdrew her hands from Alethea’s, and tenderly cupped Alethea’s chin. “Have you forgotten your Tarot lessons? The Chariot Card is the card of the mask. The war is over, but when the Unseelie threaten, put on the mask.”

“But you said you would fight for me. And one of the few things I’ve figured out since I came through the gate is that the Chariot Card means I am to use my will to fuel your fight. The stars know I am right about this.”

The Faerie Queen answered, “Yes, the stars in my bones know it, too. There is no contradiction here. When you put on the mask, it will empower me.”

“Oh . . . I understand: War’s ended, but there will always be skirmishes, now and then . . . Something still doesn’t make sense here, Mother. I mean, there’s more I’ve got to figure out.”

“And you will.” The Queen vanished.

Damn. Gone. Again. Always with me, yes, but sometimes near impossible for me to find, see, hear. Alethea started walking again, then shrugged and sat down in the middle of the road. Where was she even going?

The Queen’s voice rang out, as if from nowhere, “You’ve gotten old, Alethea. No, don’t mock me,” she added, apparently able to see Alethea rolling her eyes like a teenager. “You may look 16, but it’s almost time for you to sail to the Western Isle. You’ve got big lessons to learn before you do, and little time in which to learn them.

“The Unseelie would pull you away from that work, away from your hard-won peace. They will war against you, when there is no war, so that you live in battle when the time for battle has ended.”

Alethea spoke into the now silent air, “They would pull me away from my truth. So that they have no one to contradict their lies, and so that I can unknowingly lie all the better myself. The Western Isles, epitome of all that is Fey. I want that instead.

“The emptied part of me is mighty, is a tool of the Unseelie. It will do everything it can to defeat me, so that I am my own enemy, an inner warrior who knows me well, who can rob me of love and joy, and even kill me. I need to find all my power. I will find all my power.”

Part Three: Click here.

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The above exchange, between the Queen and Alethea, is loosely based on a conversation between my bud Vanna Z Red and myself, respectively.

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