God, Depression, a Magic Cat

God, Depression, a Magic Cat
For me, spirituality is not a luxury, I need it to survive.

Without God, my depression would be god, as would the world, in all its awfulness determining my fate, creating the whole of my inner and outer realms.

God relieves my futility by sending me a magic cat who, when I stroke its fur, gives me the will to live. 

God gives me another world that fills me with stardust, and Faerie powers that tickle my soul.

God sends me friends whose capacity for joy matches my own, so they lift me up out of my depression into my own heights. God sends me friends whose brilliant minds match my own, so we can run around in each other’s brains, getting high and almost frantically delighted like kids on sugar in a candy shop. 

Storyteller, Francesca De Grandis. For info about a limited first-edition print of this painting, click on it.

God sends me people to serve as a shaman and human being. To do so, I must, during that time, be in the real, not subject to society’s exclusion of everything but self-serving pettiness and dominance. No, during our work, I must move into the real. There, I can fly, I get to fly with the people I am serving, we can fly together in joy and utter certainty of life’s gorgeous meaning. 

God opens my eyes to ever-present beauty and sexiness and goodness in nature and in people. God plays tricks on me, so I laugh myself out of miserable self-absorption. 

Without God, my depression would be god, as would the world’s terrible truths. Nothing I am saying is a statement that, unless you believe in God, you are doomed. I am only talking about me. And, for me, God is not a luxury, my spiritual practices cannot be something “I have no time for, I am too busy just surviving,” because without God I will not have the will to survive.

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What Constitutes Surrender?

A Few Thoughts on What Constitutes Surrender

The World Tree Takes Care of Me, Francesca De Grandis, 2012

Even for someone on the ecstatic path, it is mistake to think that surrendering to the Divine – utter immersion in the World Tree – is always an emotive moment with mystical elements. Often, surrender to the World Tree – being fully in the moment – means taking dry quantitative action, applying one of the spiritual  disciplines that may not be appealing. I am not suggesting harmful pseudo-surrender. For example, thinking oneself bad for wanting a happy romance or good sex or a satisfying career, and trying to eradicate these healthy desires, is not surrender, it is self-abuse.

The disciplines I am suggesting are too numerous to list here, but a few are:
– Looking into oneself to see where one is not the amazingly spiritual person one identities as. No self-flagellation, no invention of errors that did not happen. Just a simple appraisal of where one, right this minute, or this very day, is falling down on the job of being the kind (or thoughtful, or generous, or otherwise good to others) person one thinks oneself to be. 
 – Asking Divinity what it wants one to do right this second. Then getting quiet enough to hear an answer. Then doing what is asked. There is also the question of what the Divine wants of you over the longterm, but surrender in the immediate moment is sometimes a less spectacular experience, and the surrender that feels less glorious is the point of this musing.   
– Allowing oneself to walk away for one minute (or one hour) from work, from worry, from crisis – no matter how serious a problem – to take care of oneself, eg by taking a nap or eating one’s lunch. 
– Allowing oneself to walk away for one minute (or one hour) from work, from worry, from crisis – no matter how serious a problem – to ask Divinity for guidance.

These are examples of quiet surrenders without which the ecstatic path becomes a drug and leads to a miserable contracted state. But with these quantitative disciplines, we move toward gut experiences of Divine beauty, we find ecstatic interconnection with all the Cosmos, we achieve self-hood and self-expression, and we are filled with power to follow our dreams.

Pursuing these disciplines does not invalidate the joyfully emotive moments of surrender I mention earlier. It is only when we mistake these moments as all the surrender needed that we find trouble. 

Nor should we think emotive moments of surrender always must feel the same to be “authentic.” These moments can greatly vary. They might be transcendent, ribald, peaceful, or ecstatic, or all four, or might be something else altogether. Do not tell yourself these moments must feel one way or another, let them be what they are, surrender to them.  Surrender means being in the moment.

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An Economy Based in Love & Service

2015 Update: A revised version of this essay is in my new book, which is titled

A Sacred Marketplace:
Sell without Selling Out or Burning Out.
Mysticism + Marketing = Sales.

———————————-

An Economy Based in Love and Service

Someone who does work they love in an alternative field—work they feel is needed in the community—should be paid fairly. Herbalist, craftsperson, psychic, shaman, doula, political activist . . . The work of choice might be in a spiritual, creative, political, or other field.

Dentalia shells were currency in ancient California. Malcolm Margolin wrote that shamans there would imagine sweeping up huge piles of dentalia earned in their shamanic “careers.” This visualization was actually part of their training.

But today many people think loving service and money are innately at odds. They scold anyone in alternative careers for not doing all their work for free or at such a low cost that they cannot live on it. However, the logical conclusion of that is frightening! Unless our economy is about doing paid work we love for people we love, we are stuck in a business world where many people do jobs they hate for people they hate. A marketplace based in paid loving service can thrive and save mother earth.

This can work if we know when to work for free, and to otherwise have love and money both honored in appropriate ways. I DO a lot for free and for low cost. I also charge high prices for other work. There is room – – and need – – to give your gift for free.  No question about it. And you may have certain things you only do for free. That may be right too. That is part of life.

As to EXCHANGING services or goods, it is wonderful. I do it when I can. But, again, some people insist people with alternative careers should always accept a trade. Fact is, trade is just another form of currency. I have a limited amount of energy. I need money to pay for things like a roof over my head. If I trade for all my services and goods, I will not have energy to earn money to pay for housing and the like. So I accept trade when I can, especially when someone cannot afford otherwise.

It seems that many folks who insist that, in a truly alternative culture, we ALWAYS accept trade, are folks with enough money to afford it. In which case, trade becomes part of a class-based economy!

Trade is not a substitute for money yet. When all the economy is trade, that will be another story. But, as I said, a trade-based marketplace could still be class-based, so trade alone is not a solution. It must go hand in hand with the idea that loving service should merit a respectable fee. The argument that, in a progressive economy, we always accept a trade lacks logic: Currently, the logical result of accepting all trade, for most folks, is to be homeless and hungry. That is not a spiritual outcome. 🙂 Folks who insist on it can often afford high prices for cars, computers, etc., but won’t pay that for spiritual support, hand-crafted goods, or other alternative services. Hmm, what altar do they worship at?  Dentalia (aka money) was a form of respect for a shaman’s help. Giving money in some situations = giving respect and love. Uh–huh.

What is a reasonable fee? That question leads to “What is a reasonable net income?,” which leads to “What income amounts to bounty?” Thorough answers are outside the bounds of this essay, but the following points are relevant. Matthew Fox says, there is enough for everyone to live bountifully, as long as no one is greedy. Some standards of living are just plain old greedy, and create an economy in which one person is wealthy while others go poor. A sane standard of living is needed by anyone who wants to earn their livelihood in an alternative service career.

Many steps along my career path, when trying to do what my Gods asked of me, I had to forsake the profitable to be of more service. I never said, “I will be poor,” but I chose to risk it to be of maximum service. I believe this risk is important. If we put money above service, we become trapped by money. And because of my risks, I have gotten to do the work I love and be of service. I can look back at a long life to say I have had an amazing adventure this lifetime.

Mind you, a risk is just that: a risk. But serious fallout can happen no matter what choices you make. Equally important, my commitment to service helped me triumph over any problems that did arise.

Let me be clear, putting service first is not the same as being a doormat or forsaking your reasonable payment because someone uses the idea of service to guilt trip or otherwise manipulate you. Service coming first is also not the same as being free of charge for every person who cannot afford you, if more approach you than you can manage. You only have so many hours in the day, so may have to learn to make difficult and perhaps painful decisions about how much you can do for free without burning out and, hence, being of no use to anyone!

Being paid = I could work full time using a gift that Spirit said I was to use full time. I was given a shamanic gift that has saved lives, made other lives worth living. I’ve helped trauma survivors. Many happy high-functioning leaders do what they do a lot better because of my lessons, and thus they are able to be of greater service, which means my being paid dominoes into yet more service being done.

We can build an economy where things done for free are honored, and where trade is pivotal because it is used appropriately. But we also need to build an economy of paid loving service. Remember the shaman’s dentalia. Money and love can be in union. We can thrive financially and spiritually. Let go of conflict. Be in the union of all things. ALL things.

copyright FDG 2010, 2015. All contents of this site are copyright FDG

ASM2

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Deer, Angel, Faerie

Deer, Angel, Faerie
Today’s Walk
June 9, 2012

The doe and I startled each other. She bolted, took off into dark parts of the forest, white tail flashing, massive limbs pumping. Gone. 

I saw an angel. He roller skated past me. Across his t-shirt were the words, “Love is the answer.” He was at most a third my age – – in his twenties, maybe as young as 16. He was ageless. He was an angel.

Moments later, I wanted to turn around, go back, catch up with him. But I could not, I can only hobble, slowly and carefully along. I wanted to find out if his hair was as pretty as it had seemed, his smile as pure. He’d flown by so fast that I could not tell. Did he really have the innocent friendliness that the quick passage of his face past me had intimated?

I wonder if, later, he thought with wonder, “I saw a faerie today!” Did the doe tell a buck, “That human was so quiet, I didn’t even know she was there until she was almost right by me”? 

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I started a blog on my other site. Two separate blogs, two separate RSS feeds. When you go to that site, the RRS feed for the new blog is in the right hand sidebar (on a phone or Ipad it might be at the bottom) here: http://www.stardrenched.com   I hope you join me there, I am having witchy fun.

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Finally Telling

Finally Telling What I See, in Hopes You’ll Let Me Know What You See

 Just to be clear: I see this drug-free.

 I tried to portray what I see—as opposed to making a good painting. So I do not know if it is a good painting unto itself.

But I try to create functional art, sometimes that is my definition of “good art,” anyway. I hope this piece serves its purposes. The first was to share something private. It was a bit scary to risk revealing this painting, which is probably why I am not blogging it until it’s a few months old. (Not to mention that it can take me years after I write or paint something to blog it!) My second goal was to nurture an environment in which you feel safe sharing about your own modes of perception and states of consciousness. I hope the painting helps you make the same risk I made: please use the comment field below to share something about your mode of perception. I look forward to reading it!

 A related note: Mystical and shamanic perceptions that are transformative, joyous, and informative can be gained without drugs. It is a matter of training. I offer this training. This is rarely mentioned in a class description, but most of my classes really help with it. If you can’t figure out from its description whether a specific upcoming class has this sort of material, feel free to call me: 814-337-2490. If you do not already receive announcements of upcoming classes, go here

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A Mystic’s Life Is Absurd

May 1, 2012: I take my spirituality seriously. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have fun with it. Decided I wanted a silly meditation. Sat on the floor (which I can only do on a good day, and then only for a minute or two, given my disability). Taking a pseudo-Buddhist meditation pose, I started doing fake chanting, making the sort of ridiculous sounds that oldtime Hollywood would have fake monks make in a movie.

This amused me, improved my mood, and distracted me from worries about the day’s various and sundry problems. 

My Cat Teenie, Francesca De Grn=andis

My Cat Teenie

Then, I swear to God, my cat started circling me, walked a full circle around me. She slowly oh so slowly walked a total of 3 to 4 full complete circles around me, processing like a hierophant as I continued my innane chanting! I couldn’t believe it. I started laughing so hard. I could not stop laughing, I laughed and laughed.

This lightened my spirit tremendously. My heart had wings. Desire for those wings is one reason I meditate. Also, instead of having to start a meditation by struggling to become centered, the cosmos had sent kitty to make me relaxed and in the moment. I was easily made ready to do a more serious meditation. I lay down on the floor, for a beautiful peaceful meditation during which guidance I needed about how to approach the rest of the day came. 

May 2: There are hundreds if not thousands of ants and their eggs in my mailbox! (Rural living!) I was so happy yesterday when we staved off the beginning of an ant infestation in my kitchen, before it had a chance to cause trouble. But now, all the way across the street from me (I lived rurally so my mailbox is across the street), there are way more ants than the few that were in the house. 

Looking into the mailbox, I kept saying, “Little gods, they’re little gods, little gods come to visit me.” (I’m a pantheist.) And chanting “Little visits from God,” and “God’s Little helpers” (I also serve the Goddess, whom I often call God, as well as have a pantheon of Gods who run my life. Obviously, I live in contradictions. I do it happily) as I doused the critters in the mailbox with vinegar that was scented with peppermint essential oil.

Merry Prankster, Kathleen Marshal, with her permission

At the time of writing this, I’ve only just finished cleanup on the mailbox. I don’t know yet what message the little gods were trying to give me. But my point here is: I have to share the two events I’ve recounted because they’re typical of my whole day—it’s like I live in a mystical three ring circus. I think I’m its holy clown but my cat is the better trickster. And she is not alone, because my day by day is filled with the wondrous absurdity of life. I constantly experience outrageous synchronicities, a continuous kaleidoscope that is fun and funny and reveals a beautiful yet absurd cosmic pattern. This pattern, or call it a flow, fills me with love and joy from the Divine and offers its guidance. If I abide by the guidance, it is so abundant as to smooth my every step. Of course, I’m typically human so I am far from perfect in following the wonderful input. But bit by bit, I grow.

I’d love it if you posted below, and shared a time when the Divine used humor to give you guidance or power or just just plain ol joy!

I can’t wait to see what will happen next.

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I started a blog on my other site. Two separate blogs, two separate RSS feeds.  The RRS feed for the new blog is in the right hand sidebar (on a phone or Ipad it might be at the bottom) here: http://www.stardrenched.com I hope you join me there, I have wild plans.

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Relaunched Wiccan Site

Francesca De Grandis

Middle Management for Chaos Gods, Self Portrait

Drum Roll!  I started an additional blog! My longtime Wiccan site has been been revitalized, renewed, and relaunched! I hope you check it out, we worked really hard on it, and had a lot of fun. The big flashy opening – tada! – is at http://stardrenched.com/2012/05/05/ta-da/ 

The blog on that site has its own separate RSS feed.  We are still doing some tech polish so you cannot get to the RSS feed on every blog. But the RRS feed is here in the right hand sidebar (on a phone or Ipad it might be at the bottom) : http://www.stardrenched.com  I hope you join me there, I have wild plans.

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The Unrepeatable Moment

Digital Art, the Unrepeatable Moment, and Living in the Now
March 2012

Digital art and paper cutting, Francesca De Grandis
I painted this digitally. The background is a photo of a fan-shaped paper-cutting I made in the 90s.

This blog is not just relevant to artists. It is more about living fully. That is the most important art. One could extrapolate from this blog, applying my creative process to any part of life. See the closing paragraph; I hope you will comment about your own way of nurturing an ecstatic state.

 When I started making digital art, I made a commitment. If I painted a little rose, paisley, or other ornamentation for a picture, I would not save the ornament. I would not stockpile these details. I wanted each new painting to be a work unto itself.

An exception is when I feel I have not made the best use of an ornament. Then maybe maybe MAYBE I’ll try to find a way to use it again. But most likely I will delete it, no matter the temptation.

This makes things ways more work. Way way more. It is worth it. I no more want to be caught up in repetitious use of ornaments than in rigid thought, I want the gorgeously unrepeatable moment in my life, over and over and over and over. That’s what I want to repeat (as well as some words in this blog, apparently, LOL). I am no master painter; at the time of this writing, I am just shy two years old, a fledging at painting and drawing; but I am an old hand at living in the moment. And, though creating visual art is not my main thing—in fact, it is far from it—I want maximum joy, integrity, and exploration of my inner and outer world in everything I do.

Direct revelation and other joys of mysticism happen in the now.

Digital art and paper cutting, Francesca De Grandis

Detail of ornamentation in above painting

There are other exceptions, all aimed at living fully. I might use an ornament again if I think I can learn something by doing so. E.g., find different facets of it. I’m not setting restrictive rules here to stifle myself, I’m trying to do the exact opposite—nurture an ecstatic state.

It is about knowing what will help me grow and be happy. On occasion, I have included one of my paintings—I’m not referring to ornaments now, but to a whole painting—in a composite of my different works. This is an exploration for me; I perhaps find new experiences in the pieces—new moments—as I take them into new contexts. I find that exciting. It illuminates my inner world so I see it better. It builds my personal mythology by letting it expand into various contexts.

A painting is usually part of my mythic self. When I put some of these myths together, I create (and discover) the larger, more complete myth.

An actual painting might represent a personal truth, maybe a longstanding one or perhaps one I discover through the painting process. I like to gather my truths together, and see where that leads me.

Another way repetition helped me: I wrote and illustrated a Faerie tale (which I hope to post soon on my other site). It was fun to use the same ornamentations throughout to build a fantasy world setting for the story. And it added a sense of whimsy.

Someone else might find saving ornaments a creative exploration. I support that. We each have our own way to find joy and completeness. But for me, no stockpiling! No creating file after file until digital clutter is massive. I want space in my life for life.

This blog is less about digital art than it is about the ecstatic path. I would love it if, below, you post any way you make room for or otherwise create fullness of being.

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Reviews of Witch Classes, Spiritual Transmissions, …

Feedback on Francesca De Grandis’s Faerie events

Testimonials for Witch Classes, Spiritual Transmissions, …

Here’s where to read and post reviews of my

* fairy witch classes

* transmissions

* spiritual counseling

To avoid confusion: My particular spiritual transmissions include healings of the body and spirit, as well as blessings on your life overall. Therefore, my community and I might use the following terms synonymously: spiritual transmissions, healings, and blessings. Another term for my spiritual transmissions is direct spiritual transmissions.

The following two testimonials folks kindly gave about my healing ceremonies feel important. I received these comments before I set up this page for folks to post feedback, so I’ll add them myself:

“I had a feeling that I should earn healing by working hard for it. But then I realized that the healing Francesca gives is a gift. And I can show up for it and be grateful for it, or I can not show up.”—Tara Noonan

“Francesca emanates healing energy. She can’t even help it, it’s her. There’s an awesomely deep love within her that heals people.”—William Michaels

I’ll also add a story: When Jasmine was seven months pregnant, she became ill. Constant vomiting dehydrated her. That induced contractions, two months early. She went to the hospital, at the doctor’s request. Jasmine’s mother called me for a healing. The contractions stopped almost immediately after I did the work. Jasmine carried full term. She and her baby are fine.

Scroll down to comments to read posted feedback.

You can also post your own at the bottom of the page.

To be kept abreast of upcoming classes, as well as spiritual transmissions for groups, subscribe to my free newsletter: https://outlawbunny.com/newsletter/

A blessing ceremony for your body, spirit, and life is always available, if you don’t want to wait for a group transmission. Check out this page, which also explains more about these healings: https://www.outlawbunny.com/2012/04/24/distance-healings-of-body-and-spirit/

For further information about spiritual counseling: https://outlawbunny.com/pastoral-counseling/

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Creative Process: Hand-Painted Silk

Detail of altarcloth – stylized seven-pointed star. Francesca De Grandis

Hand-Painted Silk Art Altar Cloth for Warrior Poet

PG, you said on my Facebook page link you like to see the process. Hence this post. Click pics to see em full size.

Folks, skip process to get to Product and Purchase Info.

First I dyed white silk, with low-immersion dyeing, which leaves a mottled effect (interesting texture). I dye a very small number of pieces at a time, usually 3-4. This was a huge batch for me—seven altar cloths. To the right is a pic of all seven hanging on my shower curtain rod to dry.

Next day I start trance-painting. I love doing this. See pic of altar cloth ready to paint.

Basic lines done. They are my first inkling that this piece will be for a fey warrior poet.

Trance deepened, detailing started.

Trance deepened, detailing started.

The basic design and its intial ornamentation were painted in red, green, and purple. Then I applied purple and red metallics, which are subtle because I mostly applied red metallic to the red that I’d already laid down, and they were a close color match. Ditto purple metallic. But the point was not whether they screamed metallic; they add dimensionality to the paint they were applied over.

Last step of painting was adding more ornamentation to the basic design. I used a soft green metallic that has a subtle rich glimmer. I was not sure I liked the altarcloths until I added this final touch, but it made all the difference. The metallics are by Jacquard, as is most of what I used for this altar cloth.

Detail, Hand Painted Silk Altarcloth, Francesca De Grandis

Hand-Painted Art Silk, Francesca De Grandis


Next are parts of the process artist don’t show pictures of, LOL. Heh, maybe these steps aren’t graaahhhhnd enough to seem arteeeestic.

I wash the hoops so they’re all clean for the next piece I paint. Here is a pic of washed hoops hanging to dry. My home is filled with dyed silk hanging on a shower curtain rod, hoops drying on door knobs,…

Next day, painting is ready to set. I got very excited when I learned vinegar and baking soda would remove the gunky build-up on my iron. It took time but then I could use the iron to set the painting!

And here are brushes soaking til I have time to clean them for next piece.

Think I’m going overboard? I refrained from posting a pic of dirty rags after cleanup! You crafters know there are many parts of creative process that folks don’t usually show. I liked posting a few; it feels nice to have camaraderie re the not-so-high-and-falutin work that takes a zillion times more hours than the actual art does.

Big thanks to everyone who encouraged me during this project!!!

Product and Purchase Info: Sorry, this item has been sold. But for the record, here is the info: Painted freehand, initialed and dated by artist. This altar cloth for a warrior poet will lend beauty, grace, and Faerie magic to any spell. Hand wash. $99, free S & H. 

This item is no longer available. 

This piece is not in everyone’s budget (it would not be in mine. Which is why, for those who have never been to my Etsy shop, I have a wide price range, and it’s all good stuff!).

Hugs to whoever reads this, FDG

Putting one last blessing on the piece

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