Do What You Believe In,
Speak from Your Heart,
and Don’t Let Judgmental Responses Stop You
When being yourself and expressing yourself sincerely, it can feel awful to be met with scorn, judgement, or utter dismissal. For example, recently, I reached out from the bottom of my heart to help a person, and they thought it was mere marketing on my part. Their reaction hurt my heart.
Sincerity, passion, and devotion to high ideals are often mistaken for hype or suspected of having hidden motives.
Lately, I find myself following up my remarks with assurances like I really meant that or I said that from my deep in my heart, and other statements that assure someone I’d expressed sincere sentiments to them.
Today’s preponderance of fake remarks makes it easy to believe someone’s remarks are insincere.
For example, online support is too often empty. When someone posts about a major problem, it costs only 20 seconds to answer, “I wish I was nearby so I could help you.” Sometimes that is sincerely said, but more often it is cheap and disheartening.
In the same vein, we’re assaulted by self-help shams exclaiming with adrenalized hype that their services produce perfect results. This greed-driven onslaught can make one suspicious of a sincere self-help practitioner’s passionate declaration of the worth of their work.
Social media is mired with posts drenched in artificial enthusiasm about the day’s event, making it hard to believe that anyone’s excitement is real.
So, as I said, I find myself saying over and over again things like, “I really meant that.”
The preponderance of falsities engenders skepticism that isolates people from each other, and makes it hard for sincere practitioners and other sincere folks to get their message across.
Anyone who knows me well sees that some of my greatest loves are serving my tribe as a shaman, creating innovative material to do so, and getting to witness how my students (or call them clients, if you prefer) unfold into new levels of beauty, brilliance, and joy as a result. In the midst of online marketing hype, how can I get across that results of participating in my events truly are amazing?
Amidst the barrage of online pseudo-support, how can I express that I truly truly care about my community members? (Yes, my students are not a “market” to me. They are my community, even if they decide to work with me only briefly.)
Amidst constant verbal expressions of love that amount to no more than a cheap L.A. I love ya, babe, how can anyone who is first getting to know me believe that I jump through hoops long-distance to support my students in crisis?
Do you find yourself with the same problem? In other words, do you feel surrounded by so much fake sentiment that, when you express true caring for community or the high ideals that you diligently strive toward in your work, or you otherwise express your most sincere self, your words are mistaken for the cheap remarks typically spouted by fakes? I’ll give you the same reassurances I give myself:
People who are ready for the real deal will sense it in you. If you express your passion, your high ideals, your caring, then people with high ideals, passion, and caring will gravitate toward you. I know this to be true because it describes the majority of my clients.
More about Speaking from the Heart,
Despite What Other People Might Think
I was hesitant to publish my above thoughts after I wrote them out. I feared I would, once again, be misunderstood. But I determined to post anyway. Then my friend, Jenn Campus, posted online about needing to let go of what people thought of her. I realized it was important to risk sharing everything above, to support individuals like her and me.
I am grateful she brought up the topic of speaking what you need to. My tribe has the best and bravest people! I constantly bring up the topic, too, but it’s so nice that I’m not the only one!
She and I had a lovely online chat, which also served as a chance to write down more of my thoughts on the topic, so I’ve added them here, expanding on them, in case you find it useful:
For decades I’ve said what I felt needed to be said, and tried to let go of what other people might think about it, but I resolved to bring it to a new level. Here’s one thing that came up for me around all that:
When speaking from the heart, I don’t always have the right words for it, right then and there, so I might say something that isn’t quite what I mean. Then I become afraid I’ll be judged for something I didn’t mean to say in the first place.
I asked one of my students who is a psychic for a reading about that. She assured me I can trust that, when I say something other than what I actually mean, there are people who will understand me anyway.
I thought about how, when one of my students can’t find the words for something during a class, I suggest, “Just say it to us badly.” Whatever they say makes perfect sense to us, almost always!
I need to give myself the same permission I give them.
I also remembered an old story of two people sitting on donkeys. While the two people were talking, the donkeys were nuzzling. When I’m talking to my tribe, our words may not always be exactly what we need to say, but our hearts are intertwined in understanding the actual meaning of the words.
My friend who read for me also suggested I continue to use discretion about who I let my guard down with. My analogy: some people, sitting on their donkeys, are so busy judging that they are not paying attention to the donkeys or anything that we’re really trying to say. Such folks are looking for something to judge.
A while back, a real turnaround realization for me occurred. The people looking for something to judge? If they can’t find it, they’ll fabricate it. In other words, it doesn’t matter what I say or do, they’re going to judge me anyway, so I might as well get on with the business of living and loving, making myself and anyone else I can happy. … Hm, I think I wrote about this in one of my online courses. … Sorry, I digress.
Ahahaha, I have to correct myself, and tell myself:
I didn’t digress. The online course in which I mentioned the challenge of speaking my truth was probably a course about traditional Italian witchcraft. Speaking what is needed—for example, reaching out to help someone—and dealing with the blocks to that heart-filled expressiveness are part of traditional witchcraft. For one thing, when we speak from the heart, it is a tune the Old Gods enjoy so much that They start dancing to it. And that dance spins blessings that shower upon us.
Some magic teachers define witchcraft in ways that divide it up in to tiny narrow boxes that restrict people, limiting their power and and the blessings the Gods are trying to send them. Instead, I believe magic is the all encompassing interaction of everyone’s donkeys and all the other atoms of the universe, constantly empowering us and otherwise blessing us. That weave includes my witchy lessons looking at the issue of speaking one’s heart-truth.
Ah, I am laughing in delight. Isn’t it wonderful how, when we speak our truth, it flows from one related topic to the next, in the weave of life? So mote it be!
Affirmation for Speaking from the Heart
and Letting Go of What Other People Think
I speak my heart.
I let go of how anyone responds.
“What other people think is none of my business.” *
My heart deserves to sing.
There are people who need to hear my heart song.
I listen for the heart
that might be hidden beneath someone’s words.
I pay attention, lest I overlook anyone’s heart song.
I need to hear these melodies.
I am blessed by a tribe of heart-singers.
I pour out my heart-song, whatever it may be,
whatever form it takes.
It is a tune the Old Gods enjoy
so much that They dance to it.
Their raucous jig spins blessings
that shower upon me.
So mote it be!
* The slogan What other people think is none of my business has been in the self-help community for decades. I do not know who first said it.
Dear reader, I hope some part of this was useful. If not, at least accept the love with which it was said: nuzzling donkeys.
In that spirit, I celebrate this: the decision to speak truth and listen for the heart beneath friends’ words empowers that decision in everyone else who chooses to make it. In other words, in the all-encompassing weave of the universe’s magic, each person who makes this decision thereby has made it easier for someone else who has made that decision to implement it.
You can always speak your truth to me.