Noelle permitted me to share her story about a spiritual transmission I gave her. A few details for context: The transmission she received was in part about childlike wonder, and was given for a month, without any meetings, even by phone. I suggested everyone receiving the transmission remind themselves once a day that I was doing this work for them. I also gave them an optional prayer to say.
“2011 was a year of crushing betrayal, loss and grief for me. I was homeless for a while. I had to put my four dogs to sleep because I had nowhere to keep them. The people I thought would always have my back instead stabbed me in it. I stumbled through my days (at least I didn’t lose my job) trying to hold it together and wondering sometimes why I bothered. Something about your Childlike Wonder announcement kept talking to me. Something wouldn’t quite let me delete it. So on a leap of faith that I wasn’t even sure I had any more, [I signed up for the transmission]. I still wasn’t sure what I hoped to get.
“On the first day, when I woke up, I thought “Francesca is starting the practice for me today.” I instantly felt peace, for the first time in months. I said the prayer and was able to appreciate the sunrise as I drove in to work. I kept saying it. Every day I started with the thought that you were doing the practice for me, and every day, sometimes several times a day, I said the prayer. Especially in the late hours when guilt and grief nailed my soul to the wall–I would see the faces of my dogs lifted trustingly to me, happy to see me, while I’m taking them to their deaths. I’m still saying it, even though the month is done. Because it helps, because it shines a flashlight in the darkness.
“I can see beauty around me again and feel gratitude. I can think of my dogs without absolute despair. I still grieve them, but I am starting to forgive myself and I think they have forgiven me. I am working to rebuild trust with one who betrayed me. It may not work out but I know that I can go on if it doesn’t. The worst thing of all was to be out of communion with my beloved Quan Yin. I used to meet Her in meditation and would often simply sit at Her feet with my head against Her knees and feel complete happiness. That had left with only a numbing hole in its place. I know that She did not leave me, I left Her. I was wrapped in fog and I was paralyzed. The fog is lifting. I feel like the shell around my heart has cracked. I’m not totally back yet, but at least I am able to see the path back and start walking it.
“I know that this work came at some cost to you and I wanted you to know that it gave me my life back.
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