If I Feel Anxiety, Rage, or Hopelessness

Midday Contemplation
2020-3-30

Am reasonably serene—given the Covid 19 pandemic and my statistically being at greater risk of dying in it.

But anxiety, rage, and hopelessness visit often. These reactions are appropriate and part of the human experience. If I believed myself above worldly concerns, there’d be something really wrong with me. But I don’t want to use that as an excuse to let my feelings and worries run amok.

No one thing alone can fully bring me to my senses during such a crisis. I need an arsenal of tools.

Today, one thing I’ll do is try to put my worries in perspective. I’ve done that in the past by remembering my victories over hard times, as well as the gifts those challenges gave me:

I got through a childhood that would’ve killed most people.

That brutal experience gave me a self-reliance that helps me earn my living doing what I love, and demanded I create a world of my own, a world of beauty, morality, and love. I get to continue to create it every day. I also learned some people have nasty hidden motives. Now I’m less likely to get hurt by taking everyone at their word.

I conquered poverty and bounced back financially.

Poverty taught me humility, empathy, how to stretch a dime, avoid waste, including waste of my energy, and how to get past my shyness and false ego to serve my Gods.

I got through unethical individuals slandering me and appropriating my original work, and thereby walking away with a large number of my clients.

I bounced back financially, again. I healed the heartache from beloved clients deserting me, after I’d supported their journey for years, often without charging them. I also saw the need for better boundaries. Plus, I recognized that people who flatter and otherwise build my false ego might simply be on the take. And I committed to love, opening my heart all the more, and now my many new clients, dedicated to Spirit—and equally dedicated old clients who remained in my life—are inspirations to me every day.

When my body became so crippled that survival seemed impossible, and so weak that death was months away, I reclaimed my energy, e.g., relinquished pure terror. Almost twenty years later, I’m still thriving.

I survived many more things and received many more gifts and had many more victories. So I pray, “Great Mother, thank you. I am open to the lessons and gifts you are giving me. I know they’re going to be awesome. Some of them already are!”

My belly feels much better now.

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