I will take tiny action during crisis, to avoid self-pity.
Am overwhelmed bc, as a crip, I cannot manage the massive number of survival things that must be done in a very small number of days. There is no choice about doing them or not, except for the choice to survive or not. Today’s plan: I choose to survive. I will know that as a choice, rather than feeling helpless amidst my crisis. Choosing survival = being pro-active amidst crisis. So instead of succumbing to the overwhelm, I will do one tiny thing at a time, one tiny quantitative act, in compassion for self and others, one tiny thing among all the things needed for survival, then the next tiny thing. Eg make one entry on the list of things to get. Thus I am proactive rather then overwhelmed by everything there is to do. I pray for help to focus on the moment, not the overwhelm or self-pity. God is bigger than all my problems. They are big, I will allow myself my feelings. Then I will remind myself that god is even bigger. I will live in god.
Choosing to survive also means that, today, I will do what is required to be sane and as calm as possible. E.g., Posting this blog makes me happy and more serene. If I let myself be constantly upset—and life will always give you an excuse to feel awful—I will not survive. Stress kills. Besides, when I am calm, I think clearer and get way more done in half the time.
Dear Francesca!
After reading this post I’m very happy that you replied to my last comment immediately. I feel honored.
I want to congratulate you on choosing to survive, it might sound silly – but there are many people who give up in times of pain and severe illness. (due to my studies to become a physical therapist I’ve met some of them). I cheer for you, for every tiny step! I wish you calmness and clearity and sometimes a bit of defiance to take the next step despite the circumstances – and many painless and happy moments.
I hope you have a nice day, Christina
Wow, I am happy that you chose to read this post, not just the one you commented on earlier, I love sharing the journey with fellow seekers!
I am also grateful for what you say above. For one thing, this post was so personal that I did not know how it would come across. For another, it feels good to be praised for my efforts.
The commitment to survive is an odd issus bc, as you say, not everyone chooses it. I think about that a lot. Eg, some people just seem to lose their will to fight. In the dedication page to Be a Goddess!, I thank my parents for giving me a necessary stubbornness. That streak in me can really mess me up, but I also think it is why I am still alive, I should have died so many times.
Thanks again!!